The Dark Side with Nat X
Nat X…..Chris Rock
Andrew Dice Clay…..Steven Seagal
Announcer: Live, from Compton, CaliforniaIt’s “TheDark Side With Nat X”. The only show on TV written bya brother, produced by a brother, and strictly for thebrothers! Now, get ready for a man whos so black,hes worth his weight in oilstep back, ’cause herecomes Nat!
Nat X: Peace, brothers and sisters! Im Nat X andwelcome to the Dark Side, the only 15-minute show onTV! Why only 15 minutes? Because if the man gave meanything less, it would be a commercial! I think weall know who the man is! Im talking about the sameman who calls a white mouse a pet and feeds it cheese,and calls a black mouse a rat and tries to kill it!Im talking about the same man who invented the gameof pool: a game in which the player uses a white balland a stick to knock a bunch of colored balls off atable and into a bunch of holes!
Alright, y’all. It’s about time for Viewer Mail!Sandman! Come on out here and read me a letter![Sandman the Clown enters and takes a seat]
Sandman: Tonights letterDear Nat, you seem like avery tense man. What do you do to relax?
Nat X: Well, I like to go bowling. Theres nothinglike taking that big black ball and knocking it intothose ten white pins with the red necks![Suddenly camera zooms in on Nat, with siren sound effects]
Oh, no! Here it come! There go the White-Man Cam! Getoutta here! Get outta here!![Graphic image of jail bars appear in front of Nat, ashe mimes being in prison]
Thats how you want me! But youre not gonna get me!Thats what you wanna see! Thats what you wanna see!!The White-Man Cam! You know, I haven’t had that muchfun since Aunt Jemima took that rag off her head!
And now its time for the Top Five List! Why five?Because ten would make the man loose sleep! Tonight:The Top Five Reasons the L.A. Cops Beat Up Rodney King.
Reason #5: They hate paperwork.
Reason #4: They thought he was Mexican.
Reason #3: They were trying to impress Jodie Foster.
Reason #2: They were upset over the portrayal of whitepeople on In Living Color.
And the #1 Reason the L.A. Cops Beat up Rodney King:They just saw New Jack City.
And that’s the Top Five! Our first guest tonight isone of the most controversial comedians in thecountry. Please welcome Andrew Dice Clay![Dice enters set]
Dice: Its a beautiful thang!
Nat X: Sit yo white ass down.[Dice takes a seat]
Dice: How ya doin Nat. Its great to be on your show here.
Nat X: Glad you could make it, Mister Dice! Iunderstand you got a lot of free time on your handssince Adventures of Ford Fairlaine.
Dice: What are you talkin about? Ford Fairlaine wasone of the greatest movies ever made! And I kick any[expletives deleted] you could name that didnt makethat kinda money!
Nat X: [holds up a VHS copy] Well, Im not sayin itwas a bomb, but last week the Ku Klux Klan tied one ofthese under my car!
Dice: It wasnt my fault; it was the critics, ya know!Theyre just a bunch of over-[more expletives deleted]
Nat X: So whats next for you? You got a movie cominout this summer? How about next summer?
Dice: Nah, but Im amazin anyway!!
Nat X: Okay, Cracker Boy, I got a nursery rhyme foryou: There once was a whitey named Dice, Who lookedlike Fonzie on steroids blah blah blah blah, blah blahblah blah, my big black foot in yo ass![Close music starts up]
Nat X: Wow! I guess our 15 minutes is up! Check us outnext week, with Stupid White People Tricks. Peace!
Submitted by: Patrick Jackson