Balz-Off


Balz-Off

Wife…..Jan Hooks
Husband…..Kevin Nealon


Wife: [ entering house ] When I started back to work, there were not enough hours in the day. It seemed that life was divided between my job and my family. I was exhausted and run-down. So I asked my doctor hat to do, and he recommended this.. [ holds up package ] .. Balz-off.

Husband: Hi, honey! I got off work early, so I came straight home and fixed dinner. But don’t get up – just relax!

Wife: Non-prescription Balz-Off is safe, gentle to the stomach, and it works.

Husband: Here you go.

Wife: Why, thank you, honey!

Husband: Can I get you anything else?

Wife: [ as phone rings ] You can get the phone!

Husband: Sure, I’d love to. [ answers phone ]

Wife: Balz-off’s time-release formula last a full twenty-four hours. Two Balz-off tablets with breakfast, and he’s home all evening and glad to be there.

Husband: [ covers mouthpiece of phone ] It’s your mother.

Wife: I don’t want to talk to her.

Husband: She’s busy. Oh, no problem, I would love to take you to the florist.

Wife: It’s easy to use, and it’s effective. Here’s how Balz-off works: [ over silhoette of human male ] Hormonal signals build up here, in the freedom center. These signals are sent to the brain, where they cause pressure and confusion. Balz-Off effectively blocks these signals, eliminating problem behavior before it reaches the brain.

Husband: Dinner’s on the table.

Wife: Thanks. Hey.. isn’t tonight your poker night.

Husband: Yeah, but.. that’s just an excuse to drink beer, smoke big, smelly cigars and talk about women. I don’t think I need that.

Wife: Oh, honey, I’m so proud of you.

Announcer: New, prescription-strength Balz-Off. In regular, and new Italian strength.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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