Wayne’s World


Wayne’s World

Wayne…..Mike Myers
Garth…..Dana Carvey

Garth: Alright! Welcome to “Wayne’s World”! Here’s your host – Wayne Campbell!

Wayne: Party!! Party hearty! It’s Friday, and it’s 10:30, it’s time to party! I’m your excellent host, Wayne Campbell. With me, as always, is Garth.

Garth: Party on, Wayne!

Wayne: Party on, Garth! Okay! Alright! It’s Spring, right? The time when a young man’s thoughts turn to those of fancy – ie. Chicks and babes! Alright! So now we’d like to do a salute to the Top Ten Babes Of All Time.

Wayne & Garth: [ on guitars ] “Wayne’s World! Top Ten! Babes Of All Time! Excellent!”

Wayne: Excellent! [ they take out the Top Ten Board ] The Number Ten Babe of All Time..

Garth: Can I pull it?

Wayne: That’s what she said! [ they laugh ] The Number Ten Babe of All Time is.. Julia Roberts.

Garth: What a babe!

Wayne: Good call! Major lippage! Okay.. Number Nine: Elle MacPherson. She’s a MacBabe!

Garth: Yeah! She’s a MacFox!

Wayne: [ raises crotch ] MacSchwing! Number Eight: Josephine Baker.

Garth: Remember: we said of all time.

Wayne: Okay.. you see, Josephine Baker was a babe in the twenties, who, although she was a victim of the prevailing racial morays of her native United States, become the toast of Paree, known primarily for her exotic Banana Dance.

Garth: It’s so obvious!

Wayne: Alright! Number Seven: Betty Rubble. From TV’s “THe Flinstones”.

Garth: Yeah! Even though she’s a cartoon, she’s still a fox!

Wayne: [ raises crotch ] Bamm! Bamm! Okay, Number Six: Farrah Fawcett. She redefined hairstyles for an entire generation of Mall Chicks.

Garth: Alright. Number Five: Irene Ryan – Granny, from TV’s “The Beverly Hillbillies”.

Wayne: Irene Ryan?

Garth: Yeah.

Wayne: Well.. I guess we put her there to sort of “clear the palette”, I suppose.

Garth: Okay.

Wayne: Alright. Number Four: Hearther Locklear. Grrrrooowwwwlll!!

Garth: Yeah, double yowl! Major schmooch-schwing action!

Wayne: Okay. Number Three: Garth’s Mom!

Garth: [ stunned ] Hey, Wayne, that’s my Mom! That’s gross!

Wayne: I’m sorry, I know it’s your Mom, but I’m afraid she’s a babe – [ rasues crotch ] Schwing! Sorry.

Garth: Well.. okay..

Wayne: Number Two: Kim Basinger.

Waybe & Garth: [ singing ] “I don’t want anybody else.. when I think about Kim Basinger I touch myself!”

Garth: Alright!

Wayne: I honestly do! And, lastly, the Number One Babe Of All Time! A native of the Detroit area, you may know her as the Material Girl. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.. Madonna!

Garth: She’s the Queen of Babelonia!

Wayne: And the beauty of it is, I’ve had her.

Garth: No way!

Wayne: Way!

Garth: Yeah, in your dreams!

[ Wayne and Garth fall into a dream sequence, which lands them into Madonna’s “Justify MyLove” video ]

Garth: [ alone ] Whoa.. Wayne? Wayne, where are you? Wayne!

Wayne: I’m in here, Garth.. [ camera pans over to show Wayne sitting in bed with Madonna ]

Madonna: Hello, Garth. [ blows him a kiss ]

Garth: Oh, my God, it’s Madonna! I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy! Aaaggghhhh!!!

Wayne: Garth! Chil, chill, chill! Come on, take your ritalin! Garth.. we’re in Madonna’s bedroom. Whoa-oa!

Garth: Whoa-oa!

Wayne & Garth: [ bowing before Madonna ] We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!Madonna: Okay, shut up! You’re both worthy. Wayne.. do you want to play “Truth Or Dare”?

Wayne: Truth or Dare with me? No way!

Madonna: Way!

Wayne: No way!

Madonna: Way!

Wayne: Excellent!

Madonna: So.. Truth or Dare?

Wayne: Truth.

Madonna: Have you ever made love to women at the same time?

Wayne: Um.. yes?

Madonna: I believe you – not!

Wayne: I might make love to two women at once!

Madonna: Yeah, you might And monkeys might fly out of my butt!

Garth: Good one, Madonna!

Madonna: Thanks, Garth.

Wayne: Okay, okay, okay.. Truth or Dare?

Madonna: Dare.

Wayne: Okay. I dare you to make out with me.

Madonna: Okay, Wayne.

Wayne: Excellent!

[ Madonna pulls Wayne in and starts to kiss him hard. He looks to see other women in the room baring themselves in his direction, then returns to kissing Madinna passionately. Wayne tremors nearby, as Wayne looks up again and notices a strange man in the hall. ]

Wayne: Isn’t that Prince?

Madonna: [ looks over to notice someone else nearby ] Wow.. look at the unit on that guy..

[ we see the guy gyrating, as a close-up reveals it to be Garth ] [ Madonna continues kissing Wayne, as Garth, now in his own clothes, is groped by the women from across the hall. Garth tries to return to reality. ]

Garth: [ jumps onto the bed ] Come on, man! Let’s go!

Wayne: No, Garth! Not yet! Not yet!

Garth: Wayne, it’s too late! Let’s go!

Wayne: No! Not yet! [ he finally gives in to Garth ] Farewell, Madonna!

Madonna: Call me any time, you guys..

Wayne: Really?

Madonna: Not!

Wayne: Good one!

Madonna: Party on, Wayne. Party on, Garth.

Wayne & Garth: Party on, Madonna!

[ the dream fades out ]

Garth: I love her..

Wayne: I love her more..

[ dream fades out, we’re back in Wayne’s basement ]

Wayne: It was all a dream.. [ notices Garth dressed in the “unit” costume ] ..or was it? Whoa-oa!

Garth: [ notices how he’s dressed ] Who-oa!

Wayne: That’s all the time we have this week! Until next time, party on!

[ title up, to fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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