Schmitt’s Gay

Schmitt’s Gay

Housesitter #1…..Chris Farley
Housesitter #2…..Adam Sandler

[ open on two Housesitters entering dingy-looking house ]

Housesitter #1: [ disgusted ] This is a great housesitting job you found.. this place is a dump!

Housesitter #2: Just wait’ll you see the pool.

[ they reach the pool, whch is dirty and empty ]

Housesitter #1: [ further disgusted ] No water!

[ Housesitter #2 grins slyly, then turns a faucet on and fills the pool. Dirty water starts to drip from the pipe, but suddenly the dirty pool is transformed into a sparkling paradise, as five heavily-pumped gay men rise from the water. ]

Guy In Pool: You two look like you need to get wet!

Housesitters: [ looking up to the heavens ] Thank you!

[ flash on Schmitt’s Gay logo on the front of a bottle ] [ intercut shots of crotch areas of the gay men, as the Housesitters scream excitedly ] [ various scenes of the Housesitters engaged in activities with the gay pool guys are seen – drinking, videotaping, doing the congo, etc. ]

Announcer: If you’ve got a big thirst, and you’re gay, reach for a cold, tall bottle of Schmitt’s Gay.

[ cut to Housesitters massaging the pool guys ]

Housesitter #1: I think I’m gonna like housesitting..

Housesitter #2: Uh.. yeah!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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