Bill Swerski’s Super Fans
Bob Swerski…..George Wendt
Pat Arnold…..Mike Myers
Todd O’Conner…..Chris Farley
Carl Wollarski…..Rob Smigel
Bob: Hello my friends, and welcome to another Bill swerski Super Fans. Im Bob Swerski, sitting in for my brother Bill, who is recovering from his most recent heart attack and with me as always, The Super Fans. Pat Arnold.
Pat: Hey Bob.
Bob: Carl Wollarski.
Carl: Hey Bob.
Bob: And Todd OConner.
Todd: How are ya Bob?
Bob: Real good. We are coming to you as always, from Ditkas Restaurant in Chicago, IL. Birth place of the baby back rib, and home to a certain undefeated team, in witch come January will be hosting, hoisting, a certain Super Bowl Trophy over its collective head. A team that is known as, DA Bears!
Together: Da Bears!!
Todd: (Burp) thats was me!
Bob: Very nice, alright, by the way I should mention that Todd, was kind of enough to show up today. Even though earlier this week, he had yet another heart attack.
Todd: Its alright Bob; actually this one was really just fibulation. So I just got to limit my Pork intake to Four Hundred grams a day!
Carl: Yeah its Tuff.
Todd: Yeah, well the doc says, I have a small piece of Polish Sausage, lodged in the lining of my heart.
Bob: Good luck with that. Now lets turn our attention to another dynasty in progress, Da Bulls!
Together: Da Bulls!!
Bob: Ok Gentleman, the Bulls are preparing to defend their crown, and gentleman, the only question is not will they repeat, but how many times?
Pat: You know, I I dont think were talking a repeat, a three peat, or even a four peat.
Carl: Thats right, were talking a minimum eight peat.
Bob: Which brings us to our very special guest, you know him as the Airman.
Together: Da Air .Man
Bob: Here he is Michael Jordan. (Michael Enters) .Alright, Michael I do know the boys have a lot of questions, so uh lets get started. Gentleman.
Carl: Yeah well Michael uh, what about the Olympics. Youre representing our country. Isnt there a concern that these games are a little lop sided?
Bob: Yeah, why dont you just play these countries by yourself?
Todd: Yeah thats a good idea.
Michael: I dont think they would let me do that, guys.
Carl: What if you could have two players? Say you, and a certain coach Ditka.
Pat: Thats already unfair again.
Todd: Yeah thats no contest.
Bob: If I may shift gears for a moment gentleman, coach Ditka vs. The Hurricane, who would win?
Todd, Pat, Carl: Ditka, Ditka!!
Bob: Hold on, Hold on, Hold on. The name of the Hurricane is Hurricane Ditka.
(Todd begins to pound chest) ..Is everything ok?
Todd: No problem, just having a heart attack. (Pounds Chest) ..Almost over! Done. Done.
Bob: Very good. Very nice recovery, now how many heart attacks is that for you Todd?
Todd: That makes a bakers dozen for me.
Carl: Yeah, Ive only had six.
Bob: Well thats something to shoot for Carl.
Michael: Bob, you dont mind if I say something do you?
Bob: Course, go ahead.
Michael: Well its just about the Michael Jordan Foundation, it was established about five years ago, by my mother. I mean I am really proud of it. You know, it was established in the mid-west, I think it helps a lot of good cases. Cases like the Ronald McDonald house, Lung cancer mid-west, HIV research fund, etc. I really think its a good organization. I just thought this would be a good time to express my gratification about the whole ordeal. You know, you dont mind. I think its very important, alright is that ok, its a family thing, my brother is in it, everyone is in it. You guys dont mind do you?
Bob: No, sure go ahead.
Todd: Yeah thats important stuff.
Bob: Now thank you for coming out Michael, but before we sign off Todd here, has a special ritual that he would like to perform in honor of the Bulls. (Pause) Todd as you can see is standing in a Hula Skirt and a Coconut Bra. Todd, When was the last time you performed this ritual?
Todd: January 26, 1986, when the Bears won the Super Bowl.
Bob: Ok you may proceed.
Todd: Daaaaaaaaaaaa Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls (while dancing).
Bob: Yeah (they all stand and move towards Todd) .(Todd has a heart attack and falls to the ground)
Carl: Clear, clear. All Clear!
Together: Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls, Da Bulls (while dancing).
Submitted by: Don Kelly