Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 17: Episode 2
91b: Jeff Daniels / Color Me Badd
Richmeister’s Rival
Richmeister…..Rob Schneider
Tom…..Mike Myers
Steve…..Phil Hartman
Sandy…..Julia Sweeney
Larry…..Jeff Daniels
Randy…..Kevin Nealon
[open on Richmeister]
Richmeister: Tom! Tommy! The Tommeister! Makin copies!
Tom: Hey Richard.
Richmeister: El Tomacito! St. Tom of St. Thomas Cathedral!
Tom: Later, Rich. [leaves]
Richmeister: [as Tom is leaving] Tommy!
[Steve enters the Copy Room]
Richmeister: The Stevenator! Back from vacation! The guy with the tan! The Tanmeister!
Steve: Yeah, I did get a little sun.
Richmeister: Tan-a-rama! Admiral von Townhouser of the S.S. Capitol! Mr. Bain de Soleil!
[enter Sandy and Larry ]
Sandy: Hi, Richard.
Larry: Hey, Richard!
Richmeister: Sandy! The Sandstress! Sanditized for your protection! Sandy!
Larry: Hey, Rich.
Richmeister: [flatly] Larry.
Larry: [singing to the tune of Davy Crockett] Richard, Richard Laymer, king of the wild frontier! [laughs]
Sandy: [to Steve] Steve, Id like you to meet Larry Hansen.
Steve: Hi, welcome aboard.
Sandy: Steve just got back from the Bahamas.
Larry: [singing to the tune of Daniel Boone] Steve Levine was a man, a big man, fought for America to keep all America free.
Steve: Its nice to meet you.
Larry: [singing to the tune of Beethovens Fifth Symphony] Steven Levine, Steven Levine, Steven Levine, Levine, Levine, Levine [leaves]
Steve: [to Sandy] So, hes the new guy you were talking about, huh?
Sandy: Yep.
Steve: And does he not get along with Richard?
Sandy: I think Richard feels threatened by him.
[camera pans on Richmeister, looking uncomfortable]
Steve: Its silly, it seems to me they do completely different things. Rich does the variations on the names, whereas Larry, based on what Ive seen, sings the names.
Sandy: I know, but Rich just feels the whole name thing is his area.
Steve: Ill try to talk to him.
Sandy: Okay. [leaves]
Steve: [to Richmeister] Rich! The Richmeister!
Richmeister: [flatly] Steve.
Steve: You have nothing to worry about.
Richmeister: [flatly] Steve-O.
Steve: You and Larry are completely different. Theres no problem, youre far more creative.
Richmeister: [looks up at Steve in surprise] Steve?
Steve: Yes, you are.
Richmeister: [usual tone] Steve! [grins]
Steve: See you later, Richmeister. [leaves just as Larry enters]
Richmeister: Larry! Checkin out the files!
Larry: [singing] Richard Layman was a big man [mumbles]
[Randy enters the Copy Room]
Richmeister: Randy! The Rand Man!
Larry: [singing to the tune of Mandy by Barry Manilow] Oh, Randy you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Randy
Randy: Hey Larry, hey Richard. Just making some copies.
Larry: [singing to the tune of Davy Crockett] Randy, Randy Thompson, king of the wild frontier.
Richmeister: Randatolla! Rand McNally! The Randibulator!
Larry: [singing to the tune of Daniel Boone] Randy was a man, was a big man [simultaneous with Richmeisters nicknames]
Randy: Stop it! Im trying to make some copies. Just give me some peace, honestly.
Richmeister: [to Larry] Randy wants some peace. [to Randy] The Rand Man! The Peacester!
Larry: [singing to the tune of Mandy by Barry Manilow] Oh, Randy you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Randy
Randy: Listen, I dont know whats going on here, but this is ridiculous. I mean, you guys should be friends. Youre both equally irritating. [leaves]
Richmeister: Larry!
Larry: [singing to the tune of Hey Jude by The Beatles] Hey, Rich, dont make it bad.
Richmeister: [singing to the tune of Daniel Boone] Larry Hansen was a man, was a big man
Larry: The Richmeister, makin friends with the Larrinator! [they both laugh] Larrinator with the Richmeister!
Richmeister: [singing] Larry Hansen.
Larry: Rich-a-rama. Richinator
Submitted by: Johnny Lurg
