SNL Transcripts: Jeff Daniels: 10/05/91: Richmeister’s Rival

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 2

91b: Jeff Daniels / Color Me Badd

Richmeister’s Rival

Richmeister…..Rob Schneider
Tom…..Mike Myers
Steve…..Phil Hartman
Sandy…..Julia Sweeney
Larry…..Jeff Daniels
Randy…..Kevin Nealon

[open on Richmeister]

Richmeister: Tom! Tommy! The Tommeister! Makin’ copies!

Tom: Hey Richard.

Richmeister: El Tomacito! St. Tom of St. Thomas Cathedral!

Tom: Later, Rich. [leaves]

Richmeister: [as Tom is leaving] Tommy!

[Steve enters the Copy Room]

Richmeister: The Stevenator! Back from vacation! The guy with the tan! The Tanmeister!

Steve: Yeah, I did get a little sun.

Richmeister: Tan-a-rama! Admiral von Townhouser of the S.S. Capitol! Mr. Bain de Soleil!

[enter Sandy and Larry ]

Sandy: Hi, Richard.

Larry: Hey, Richard!

Richmeister: Sandy! The Sandstress! Sanditized for your protection! Sandy!

Larry: Hey, Rich.

Richmeister: [flatly] Larry.

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Davy Crockett”] Richard, Richard Laymer, king of the wild frontier! [laughs]

Sandy: [to Steve] Steve, I’d like you to meet Larry Hansen.

Steve: Hi, welcome aboard.

Sandy: Steve just got back from the Bahamas.

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Daniel Boone”] Steve Levine was a man, a big man, fought for America to keep all America free.

Steve: It’s nice to meet you.

Larry: [singing to the tune of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony] Steven Levine, Steven Levine, Steven Levine, Levine, Levine, Levine… [leaves]

Steve: [to Sandy] So, he’s the new guy you were talking about, huh?

Sandy: Yep.

Steve: And does he not get along with Richard?

Sandy: I think Richard feels threatened by him.

[camera pans on Richmeister, looking uncomfortable]

Steve: It’s silly, it seems to me they do completely different things. Rich does the variations on the names, whereas Larry, based on what I’ve seen, sings the names.

Sandy: I know, but Rich just feels the whole name thing is his area.

Steve: I’ll try to talk to him.

Sandy: Okay. [leaves]

Steve: [to Richmeister] Rich! The Richmeister!

Richmeister: [flatly] Steve.

Steve: You have nothing to worry about.

Richmeister: [flatly] Steve-O.

Steve: You and Larry are completely different. There’s no problem, you’re far more creative.

Richmeister: [looks up at Steve in surprise] Steve?

Steve: Yes, you are.

Richmeister: [usual tone] Steve! [grins]

Steve: See you later, Richmeister. [leaves just as Larry enters]

Richmeister: Larry! Checkin’ out the files!

Larry: [singing] Richard Layman was a big man… [mumbles] [Randy enters the Copy Room]

Richmeister: Randy! The Rand Man!

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Mandy” by Barry Manilow] Oh, Randy you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Randy…

Randy: Hey Larry, hey Richard. Just making some copies.

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Davy Crockett”] Randy, Randy Thompson, king of the wild frontier.

Richmeister: Randatolla! Rand McNally! The Randibulator!

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Daniel Boone”] Randy was a man, was a big man… [simultaneous with Richmeister’s nicknames]

Randy: Stop it! I’m trying to make some copies. Just give me some peace, honestly.

Richmeister: [to Larry] Randy wants some peace. [to Randy] The Rand Man! The Peacester!

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Mandy” by Barry Manilow] Oh, Randy you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Randy…

Randy: Listen, I don’t know what’s going on here, but this is ridiculous. I mean, you guys should be friends. You’re both equally irritating. [leaves]

Richmeister: Larry!

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Hey Jude” by The Beatles] Hey, Rich, don’t make it bad.

Richmeister: [singing to the tune of “Daniel Boone”] Larry Hansen was a man, was a big man…

Larry: The Richmeister, makin’ friends with the Larrinator! [they both laugh] Larrinator with the Richmeister!

Richmeister: [singing] Larry Hansen.

Larry: Rich-a-rama. Richinator…

Submitted by: Johnny Lurg

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