SNL Transcripts: Jeff Daniels: 10/05/91: Richmeister’s Rival


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 2

91b: Jeff Daniels / Color Me Badd

Richmeister’s Rival

Richmeister…..Rob Schneider
Tom…..Mike Myers
Steve…..Phil Hartman
Sandy…..Julia Sweeney
Larry…..Jeff Daniels
Randy…..Kevin Nealon

[open on Richmeister]

Richmeister: Tom! Tommy! The Tommeister! Makin’ copies!

Tom: Hey Richard.

Richmeister: El Tomacito! St. Tom of St. Thomas Cathedral!

Tom: Later, Rich. [leaves]

Richmeister: [as Tom is leaving] Tommy!

[Steve enters the Copy Room]

Richmeister: The Stevenator! Back from vacation! The guy with the tan! The Tanmeister!

Steve: Yeah, I did get a little sun.

Richmeister: Tan-a-rama! Admiral von Townhouser of the S.S. Capitol! Mr. Bain de Soleil!

[enter Sandy and Larry ]

Sandy: Hi, Richard.

Larry: Hey, Richard!

Richmeister: Sandy! The Sandstress! Sanditized for your protection! Sandy!

Larry: Hey, Rich.

Richmeister: [flatly] Larry.

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Davy Crockett”] Richard, Richard Laymer, king of the wild frontier! [laughs]

Sandy: [to Steve] Steve, I’d like you to meet Larry Hansen.

Steve: Hi, welcome aboard.

Sandy: Steve just got back from the Bahamas.

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Daniel Boone”] Steve Levine was a man, a big man, fought for America to keep all America free.

Steve: It’s nice to meet you.

Larry: [singing to the tune of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony] Steven Levine, Steven Levine, Steven Levine, Levine, Levine, Levine… [leaves]

Steve: [to Sandy] So, he’s the new guy you were talking about, huh?

Sandy: Yep.

Steve: And does he not get along with Richard?

Sandy: I think Richard feels threatened by him.

[camera pans on Richmeister, looking uncomfortable]

Steve: It’s silly, it seems to me they do completely different things. Rich does the variations on the names, whereas Larry, based on what I’ve seen, sings the names.

Sandy: I know, but Rich just feels the whole name thing is his area.

Steve: I’ll try to talk to him.

Sandy: Okay. [leaves]

Steve: [to Richmeister] Rich! The Richmeister!

Richmeister: [flatly] Steve.

Steve: You have nothing to worry about.

Richmeister: [flatly] Steve-O.

Steve: You and Larry are completely different. There’s no problem, you’re far more creative.

Richmeister: [looks up at Steve in surprise] Steve?

Steve: Yes, you are.

Richmeister: [usual tone] Steve! [grins]

Steve: See you later, Richmeister. [leaves just as Larry enters]

Richmeister: Larry! Checkin’ out the files!

Larry: [singing] Richard Layman was a big man… [mumbles] [Randy enters the Copy Room]

Richmeister: Randy! The Rand Man!

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Mandy” by Barry Manilow] Oh, Randy you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Randy…

Randy: Hey Larry, hey Richard. Just making some copies.

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Davy Crockett”] Randy, Randy Thompson, king of the wild frontier.

Richmeister: Randatolla! Rand McNally! The Randibulator!

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Daniel Boone”] Randy was a man, was a big man… [simultaneous with Richmeister’s nicknames]

Randy: Stop it! I’m trying to make some copies. Just give me some peace, honestly.

Richmeister: [to Larry] Randy wants some peace. [to Randy] The Rand Man! The Peacester!

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Mandy” by Barry Manilow] Oh, Randy you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Randy…

Randy: Listen, I don’t know what’s going on here, but this is ridiculous. I mean, you guys should be friends. You’re both equally irritating. [leaves]

Richmeister: Larry!

Larry: [singing to the tune of “Hey Jude” by The Beatles] Hey, Rich, don’t make it bad.

Richmeister: [singing to the tune of “Daniel Boone”] Larry Hansen was a man, was a big man…

Larry: The Richmeister, makin’ friends with the Larrinator! [they both laugh] Larrinator with the Richmeister!

Richmeister: [singing] Larry Hansen.

Larry: Rich-a-rama. Richinator…

Submitted by: Johnny Lurg

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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