Spokesman…..Tim Meadows
Man at Party…..Chris Rock
Woman at Party…..Ellen Cleghorne

[ Scene: swanky cocktail party ] [ Coldcock Spokesman enters the room with two beautiful girls at his side ]

Spokesman: You know, when I entertain, occasionally my friends andI like to discuss just what is the best malt licquor.

Girl #1: I say Bull.

Girl #2:I say Cobra.

Spokesman: And I say it’s all just talk. Unless it’s the one theycall.. Coldcock.

[ cut to Man at Party standing near piano ]

Man at Party: There’s only one malt licquor that’ll get your headhumming.

Spokesman: [ enters ] Coldcock’s the one you’ll never seecoming. [ opens can and hands it to the Man at Party ] [ Man at Party sips Coldcock, then holds it in front of him. Suddenly, ananimated arm jumps off of the can and punches the Man in the chin ]

Man at Party: [ reeling ] Pro-per!

Partygoers: [ whispery ] Coldcock!

Spokesman: I have yet to meet the man that can finish a wholeColdcock can.

Woman at Party: [ steps forward ] I ain’t afraid of no can of beer!Give me one! [ sips the malt licquor ] Mmm.. Coldcock.. [ the arm jumps offthe can and socks her in the jaw ] Ooh..! You one malt licquor picker!

Spokesman: Like I said – it’s all just talk, unless it’s the onethey call Coldcock. [ takes a sip of his own, then flinches upon expectingthe punch. He smiles at his own cunning, as the arm finally jumps off thecan and punches him hard across his chin ] Fan-tas-tic.. [ slowlydrops to the floor ]

Announcer: Coldcock. You never see it coming.

Spokesman: [ raises head up from the floor ] Damn. That’s one strongmalt licquor. [ drops his head to the floor again ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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