Spokesman…..Tim Meadows
Man at Party…..Chris Rock
Woman at Party…..Ellen Cleghorne

[ Scene: swanky cocktail party ] [ Coldcock Spokesman enters the room with two beautiful girls at his side ]

Spokesman: You know, when I entertain, occasionally my friends andI like to discuss just what is the best malt licquor.

Girl #1: I say Bull.

Girl #2:I say Cobra.

Spokesman: And I say it’s all just talk. Unless it’s the one theycall.. Coldcock.

[ cut to Man at Party standing near piano ]

Man at Party: There’s only one malt licquor that’ll get your headhumming.

Spokesman: [ enters ] Coldcock’s the one you’ll never seecoming. [ opens can and hands it to the Man at Party ] [ Man at Party sips Coldcock, then holds it in front of him. Suddenly, ananimated arm jumps off of the can and punches the Man in the chin ]

Man at Party: [ reeling ] Pro-per!

Partygoers: [ whispery ] Coldcock!

Spokesman: I have yet to meet the man that can finish a wholeColdcock can.

Woman at Party: [ steps forward ] I ain’t afraid of no can of beer!Give me one! [ sips the malt licquor ] Mmm.. Coldcock.. [ the arm jumps offthe can and socks her in the jaw ] Ooh..! You one malt licquor picker!

Spokesman: Like I said – it’s all just talk, unless it’s the onethey call Coldcock. [ takes a sip of his own, then flinches upon expectingthe punch. He smiles at his own cunning, as the arm finally jumps off thecan and punches him hard across his chin ] Fan-tas-tic.. [ slowlydrops to the floor ]

Announcer: Coldcock. You never see it coming.

Spokesman: [ raises head up from the floor ] Damn. That’s one strongmalt licquor. [ drops his head to the floor again ]

SNL Transcripts

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