Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 17: Episode 4
91d: Christian Slater / Bonnie Raitt
Super Fire Hot Chicken Wings
Customer #2…..Christian Slater
Customer #1…..Victoria Jackson
Waitress…..Ellen Cleghorne
Waiter…..Rob Schneider
Manager…..Phil Hartman
Customer #1: So this place has the best wings in all of Buffalo huh?
Customer #2: Yea thats what they say.
Customer #1: Im hungry.
Waiter: Hey you guys ready?
Customer #2: Yea Im ready- you ready honey?
Customer #1: Yep Ill have half a dozen wings.
Waiter: Alright, and what kind of sauce do you want on that? Weve got the mild, medium, medium hot, hot, super fire hot.
Customer #1: Ill have the mild.
Waiter: And you?
Customer #2: Ill have a dozen wings and Ill take the super fire hot sauce.
Waiter: The super fire hot? Theyre really hot.
Customer #2: Ill give it a try.
Waiter: I mean theyre really really hot.
Customer #2: I hear ya but let me give it a shot, alright?
Waiter: I just want you to understand that its an incredibly hot sauce.
Waitress: Is there a problem?
Customer #2: Uh no, I just ordered the super fire hot wings.
Waitress: Have you had them before sir? Because theyre really really hot.
Waiter: Thats what Ive been trying to explain to him.
Customer #2: Look I appreciate your concern but I really want the super fire hot sauce. Its ok, really.
Waiter: Uh, well be right back.
Customer #1: That sauce must be really hot.
Customer #2: I guess so. How about the Braves huh?
Customer #1: [chuckles]
Manager: Hi Im Ron Julian the manager, how you doin?
Customer #2: Good.
Manager: Good. I understand youre interested in ordering the super fire hot wings.
Customer #2: Yes I am.
Manager: May I have a seat?
Customer #2: Sure.
Manager: I think you should realize these wings are really hot.
Customer #2: I know.
Manager: I mean theyre really really hot.
Customer #2: Well thats what Ive been told. Thats what the waiter there just told me.
Manager: Hes a good man.
Customer #2: Im sure he is.
Manager: Can I possibly talk you into ordering the medium hot wings? I think youll find them pretty tasty and still pretty hot.
Customer #1: You know honey, maybe you should just get the medium hot wings.
Customer #2: No no no no! Look, like I told the other guy, I appreciate your concern, but Im gonna stick with my original order.
Manager: The super fire hot wings?
Customer #2: Yes, so if someone could please go get those for me, that would be great.
Manager: [looks at waiter] Alrighty Steve. Look why dont you let me give you the mild hot wings, and afterwards if you really feel that you want the super fire hot wings, I wont stand in your way.
Customer #2: No!
Manager: Fair enough.
Waiter: [places wings on table] Enjoy your wings.
Customer #2: [tastes wing] Well jeez, not that bad. I dont know why theyre makin such a big deal out of it.
Manager: How are the wings?
Customer #2: Theyre good, Im kinda surprised though, theyre not as hot as I thought theyd be.
Manager: Still theyre pretty hot though huh?
Customer #2: Just I was expecting something really hot.
Manager: Well to be honest, I took the liberty of ordering you the medium hot wings. Now tell me, dont you find them more than spicy enough?
Customer #2: What?
Waitress: Heres your coleslaw.
Manager: Itll take the edge off the medium hot sauce.
Customer #2: I didnt order any coleslaw and I didnt order the medium hot wings. I ordered the super fire hot wings!
Manager: Sorry my apology. Kerry, would you bring the gentleman the super fire hot wings. Im sorry I was just lookin out for you honestly. Its important for me to know you really want the super fire hot wings, and now that I know I feel better about the whole thing.
Waitress: Here they are.
Customer #2: Thank you. [tastes wing, angered]
Manager: OK Im sorry youre right, I gave you the medium hot wings again. Im really sorry.
Customer #2: What the hell is going on here?
Manager: Please dont be angry with me. Steven, would you bring the release forms please?
Waiter: [pointing on paper] Sign here, and here.
Customer #2: What is this huh? Just tell me where the super fire hot wings are and Ill go get them myself.
Manager: Alright alright you win. Here they are.
Customer #2: [looks left, then right; screen freezes with scrolling message narrated by Phil Hartman, and surrendering music playing]
Message: As Scott Hanson bit into the chicken wing, his head turned a bright beet red and large amounts of smoke began to billow from his ears. Within seconds his eyes had become slot machine tumblers which spun around until both landed on the symbol for chili peppers. Next, bolting up from his chair and shouting woo-woo, Scott chugged around the room like a locomotive finally shooting through the root of Rons Wings N Things and exploding high over the Buffalo night sky. In an ironic footnote to the story, the chicken wing Scott had was only a hot wing and not the super fire hot wing he had ordered.
Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg
