SNL Transcripts: Christian Slater: 10/26/91: Super Fire Hot Chicken Wings



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 17: Episode 4


91d: Christian Slater / Bonnie Raitt

Super Fire Hot Chicken Wings

Customer #2…..Christian Slater
Customer #1…..Victoria Jackson
Waitress…..Ellen Cleghorne
Waiter…..Rob Schneider
Manager…..Phil Hartman

Customer #1: So this place has the best wings in all of Buffalo huh?

Customer #2: Yea that’s what they say.

Customer #1: I’m hungry.

Waiter: Hey you guys ready?

Customer #2: Yea I’m ready- you ready honey?

Customer #1: Yep I’ll have half a dozen wings.

Waiter: Alright, and what kind of sauce do you want on that? We’ve got the mild, medium, medium hot, hot, super fire hot.

Customer #1: I’ll have the mild.

Waiter: And you?

Customer #2: I’ll have a dozen wings and I’ll take the super fire hot sauce.

Waiter: The super fire hot? They’re really hot.

Customer #2: I’ll give it a try.

Waiter: I mean they’re really really hot.

Customer #2: I hear ya but let me give it a shot, alright?

Waiter: I just want you to understand that it’s an incredibly hot sauce.

Waitress: Is there a problem?

Customer #2: Uh no, I just ordered the super fire hot wings.

Waitress: Have you had them before sir? Because they’re really really hot.

Waiter: That’s what I’ve been trying to explain to him.

Customer #2: Look I appreciate your concern but I really want the super fire hot sauce. It’s ok, really.

Waiter: Uh, we’ll be right back.

Customer #1: That sauce must be really hot.

Customer #2: I guess so. How about the Braves huh?

Customer #1: [chuckles]

Manager: Hi I’m Ron Julian the manager, how you doin?

Customer #2: Good.

Manager: Good. I understand you’re interested in ordering the super fire hot wings.

Customer #2: Yes I am.

Manager: May I have a seat?

Customer #2: Sure.

Manager: I think you should realize these wings are really hot.

Customer #2: I know.

Manager: I mean they’re really really hot.

Customer #2: Well that’s what I’ve been told. That’s what the waiter there just told me.

Manager: He’s a good man.

Customer #2: I’m sure he is.

Manager: Can I possibly talk you into ordering the medium hot wings? I think you’ll find them pretty tasty and still pretty hot.

Customer #1: You know honey, maybe you should just get the medium hot wings.

Customer #2: No no no no! Look, like I told the other guy, I appreciate your concern, but I’m gonna stick with my original order.

Manager: The super fire hot wings?

Customer #2: Yes, so if someone could please go get those for me, that would be great.

Manager: [looks at waiter] Alrighty Steve. Look why don’t you let me give you the mild hot wings, and afterwards if you really feel that you want the super fire hot wings, I won’t stand in your way.

Customer #2: No!

Manager: Fair enough.

Waiter: [places wings on table] Enjoy your wings.

Customer #2: [tastes wing] Well jeez, not that bad. I don’t know why they’re makin such a big deal out of it.

Manager: How are the wings?

Customer #2: They’re good, I’m kinda surprised though, they’re not as hot as I thought they’d be.

Manager: Still they’re pretty hot though huh?

Customer #2: Just I was expecting something really hot.

Manager: Well to be honest, I took the liberty of ordering you the medium hot wings. Now tell me, don’t you find them more than spicy enough?

Customer #2: What?

Waitress: Here’s your coleslaw.

Manager: It’ll take the edge off the medium hot sauce.

Customer #2: I didn’t order any coleslaw and I didn’t order the medium hot wings. I ordered the super fire hot wings!

Manager: Sorry my apology. Kerry, would you bring the gentleman the super fire hot wings. I’m sorry I was just lookin out for you honestly. It’s important for me to know you really want the super fire hot wings, and now that I know I feel better about the whole thing.

Waitress: Here they are.

Customer #2: Thank you. [tastes wing, angered]

Manager: OK I’m sorry you’re right, I gave you the medium hot wings again. I’m really sorry.

Customer #2: What the hell is going on here?

Manager: Please don’t be angry with me. Steven, would you bring the release forms please?

Waiter: [pointing on paper] Sign here, and here.

Customer #2: What is this huh? Just tell me where the super fire hot wings are and I’ll go get them myself.

Manager: Alright alright you win. Here they are.

Customer #2: [looks left, then right; screen freezes with scrolling message narrated by Phil Hartman, and surrendering music playing]

Message: As Scott Hanson bit into the chicken wing, his head turned a bright beet red and large amounts of smoke began to billow from his ears. Within seconds his eyes had become slot machine tumblers which spun around until both landed on the symbol for chili peppers. Next, bolting up from his chair and shouting ‘woo-woo’, Scott chugged around the room like a locomotive finally shooting through the root of ‘Ron’s Wings N’ Things’ and exploding high over the Buffalo night sky. In an ironic footnote to the story, the chicken wing Scott had was only a hot wing and not the super fire hot wing he had ordered.

Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg

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