SNL Transcripts: Christian Slater: 10/26/91: The Curse of the Wolfman


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 4

91d: Christian Slater / Bonnie Raitt

The Curse of the Wolfman

Wolfman…..Christian Slater
Kevin Nealon…..Policeman #1
Phil Hartman…..Policeman #2

[Scary music plays, Wolfman staring out the window]

Wolfman: Oh no, the moon is full. That means that soon I’ll be changing. Changing from a normal person into a warewolf. [Looks in bathroom mirror] Oh I can feel it. Oh no, I’m starting to change already. Oh I can’t bare to look. [Tumbles on the ground off camera] Oh why me, why me? Oh, oh oh. [Gets up to mirror with hair on face] It’s happening, look at me, I’m changing into a warewolf. [Back off camera] I’m still changing, on I can feel it. [back on camera] Yes I’ve changed even more. I’m turning into a viscious wolf, oh I can’t take it. [Off camera] I’m afraid when I look up again my eyebrows will be thicker, because it feels like they’re growing and becoming more wolflike. [Back on camera, hair on forehead] Oh no it’s happened, and now what else will happen? [off camera] It feels like, oh God can it be true? My nose is changing from a normal human nose into a wolf’s nose. Yes it is, it’s changing, I can feel it change from a normal nose to a wolf nose. [Back on camera wearing plastic nose] Oh no I was right, a wolf nose. Please God just don’t let my teeth change. [off camera] Oh, ah, ah. [on camera with fake teeth] Oh too late, the wolf teeth- it’s hard to talk with wolf teeth. [off camera] Good they’ve changed back, now I feel like my body is changing. Oh, oh, oh my Lord, what is this strange feeling I have all over my body? As if it was changing, and I was powerless to stop it. [on camera in wolf suit] Oh Lordy, just what I was afraid of! Now I’ve totally changed into a wolf, and oh no- [off camera] oh, oh [on camera] My teeth are back to wolf teeth.

[Wolfman wanders in room, 2 policemen charge in, shoot Wolfman repeatedly, Wolfman falls to ground, spooky music plays]

Policeman #1: What was that thing?

Policeman #2: It was some sort of wolf man.

Policeman #1: Look his face is changing from a wolf back to a human!

Policeman #2: You’re right! Look at it change.

Policeman #1: And now he’s totally gone back to his regular face.

[Camera shows Wolfman fling out his fake teeth while on ground]

Policeman #2: His face has changed back but now I wonder if his body will change too.

Policeman #1: Yes look, his body is changing back as well, it’s going back to the way it was, slowly but surely. [wolf fur gets thrown at Policeman #1]

Policeman #2: Somehow he even has gotten his old clothes back on too. [pleasant music plays]

Policeman #1: Looks so sweet now. It’s hard to believe that just a minute ago he was a hideous monster.

Policeman #2: Yes it’s hard to believe, but I guess that’s why they call it ‘The Curse of the Wolfman’

Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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