Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 17: Episode 4
The Curse of the Wolfman
Kevin Nealon…..Policeman #1
Phil Hartman…..Policeman #2
[Scary music plays, Wolfman staring out the window]
Wolfman: Oh no, the moon is full. That means that soon Ill be changing. Changing from a normal person into a warewolf. [Looks in bathroom mirror] Oh I can feel it. Oh no, Im starting to change already. Oh I cant bare to look. [Tumbles on the ground off camera] Oh why me, why me? Oh, oh oh. [Gets up to mirror with hair on face] Its happening, look at me, Im changing into a warewolf. [Back off camera] Im still changing, on I can feel it. [back on camera] Yes Ive changed even more. Im turning into a viscious wolf, oh I cant take it. [Off camera] Im afraid when I look up again my eyebrows will be thicker, because it feels like theyre growing and becoming more wolflike. [Back on camera, hair on forehead] Oh no its happened, and now what else will happen? [off camera] It feels like, oh God can it be true? My nose is changing from a normal human nose into a wolfs nose. Yes it is, its changing, I can feel it change from a normal nose to a wolf nose. [Back on camera wearing plastic nose] Oh no I was right, a wolf nose. Please God just dont let my teeth change. [off camera] Oh, ah, ah. [on camera with fake teeth] Oh too late, the wolf teeth- its hard to talk with wolf teeth. [off camera] Good theyve changed back, now I feel like my body is changing. Oh, oh, oh my Lord, what is this strange feeling I have all over my body? As if it was changing, and I was powerless to stop it. [on camera in wolf suit] Oh Lordy, just what I was afraid of! Now Ive totally changed into a wolf, and oh no- [off camera] oh, oh [on camera] My teeth are back to wolf teeth.[Wolfman wanders in room, 2 policemen charge in, shoot Wolfman repeatedly, Wolfman falls to ground, spooky music plays]
Policeman #1: What was that thing?
Policeman #2: It was some sort of wolf man.
Policeman #1: Look his face is changing from a wolf back to a human!
Policeman #2: Youre right! Look at it change.
Policeman #1: And now hes totally gone back to his regular face.[Camera shows Wolfman fling out his fake teeth while on ground]
Policeman #2: His face has changed back but now I wonder if his body will change too.
Policeman #1: Yes look, his body is changing back as well, its going back to the way it was, slowly but surely. [wolf fur gets thrown at Policeman #1]
Policeman #2: Somehow he even has gotten his old clothes back on too. [pleasant music plays]
Policeman #1: Looks so sweet now. Its hard to believe that just a minute ago he was a hideous monster.
Policeman #2: Yes its hard to believe, but I guess thats why they call it The Curse of the Wolfman
Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg