SNL Transcripts: Christian Slater: 10/26/91: The Curse of the Wolfman

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 4

91d: Christian Slater / Bonnie Raitt

The Curse of the Wolfman

Wolfman…..Christian Slater
Kevin Nealon…..Policeman #1
Phil Hartman…..Policeman #2

[Scary music plays, Wolfman staring out the window]

Wolfman: Oh no, the moon is full. That means that soon I’ll be changing. Changing from a normal person into a warewolf. [Looks in bathroom mirror] Oh I can feel it. Oh no, I’m starting to change already. Oh I can’t bare to look. [Tumbles on the ground off camera] Oh why me, why me? Oh, oh oh. [Gets up to mirror with hair on face] It’s happening, look at me, I’m changing into a warewolf. [Back off camera] I’m still changing, on I can feel it. [back on camera] Yes I’ve changed even more. I’m turning into a viscious wolf, oh I can’t take it. [Off camera] I’m afraid when I look up again my eyebrows will be thicker, because it feels like they’re growing and becoming more wolflike. [Back on camera, hair on forehead] Oh no it’s happened, and now what else will happen? [off camera] It feels like, oh God can it be true? My nose is changing from a normal human nose into a wolf’s nose. Yes it is, it’s changing, I can feel it change from a normal nose to a wolf nose. [Back on camera wearing plastic nose] Oh no I was right, a wolf nose. Please God just don’t let my teeth change. [off camera] Oh, ah, ah. [on camera with fake teeth] Oh too late, the wolf teeth- it’s hard to talk with wolf teeth. [off camera] Good they’ve changed back, now I feel like my body is changing. Oh, oh, oh my Lord, what is this strange feeling I have all over my body? As if it was changing, and I was powerless to stop it. [on camera in wolf suit] Oh Lordy, just what I was afraid of! Now I’ve totally changed into a wolf, and oh no- [off camera] oh, oh [on camera] My teeth are back to wolf teeth.

[Wolfman wanders in room, 2 policemen charge in, shoot Wolfman repeatedly, Wolfman falls to ground, spooky music plays]

Policeman #1: What was that thing?

Policeman #2: It was some sort of wolf man.

Policeman #1: Look his face is changing from a wolf back to a human!

Policeman #2: You’re right! Look at it change.

Policeman #1: And now he’s totally gone back to his regular face.

[Camera shows Wolfman fling out his fake teeth while on ground]

Policeman #2: His face has changed back but now I wonder if his body will change too.

Policeman #1: Yes look, his body is changing back as well, it’s going back to the way it was, slowly but surely. [wolf fur gets thrown at Policeman #1]

Policeman #2: Somehow he even has gotten his old clothes back on too. [pleasant music plays]

Policeman #1: Looks so sweet now. It’s hard to believe that just a minute ago he was a hideous monster.

Policeman #2: Yes it’s hard to believe, but I guess that’s why they call it ‘The Curse of the Wolfman’

Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg

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