Massive Headwound Harry


Massive Headwound Harry

Wife…..Linda Hamilton
Husband…..Kevin Nealon
Massive Headwound Harry….Dana Carvey
Partygoer #1…..Chris Farley
Partygoer #2…..Phil Hartman
Partygoer #3…..Siobhan Fallon

Wife: Oh, honey, this is a great party!

Husband: So far.. but I’ve got some.. bad news..

Wife: [ worried ] What do you mean?

Husband: [ sighs ] Well.. I had to invite somebody, and, uh.. I don’t think you’re gonna be very happy about it..

Wife: Oh, no.. Who?

Husband: Massive Headwound Harry.

Announcer: Welcome once again to “Massive Headwound Harry”. Tonight’s episode: “The Cocktail Party”.

[ doorbell rings – it’s Harry ]

Massive Headwound Harry: [ enters party, revealing a vicious, bloody gash on the side of his head ] Hey, great party! I’m sorry I’m late, I forgot where you lived!

Partygoer: [ turns and notices Harry’s headwound ] Oh, my Goddd!! [ spits his food out in horror ]

Wife: That’s okay, Harry..

Massive Headwound Harry: I feel dizzy.

Wife: Uh.. would you like to lay down? Maybe in the garage?

Massive Headwound Harry: No.. I just need some food to get my strength back.. I lost a lot of blood on the way over here. [ walks over to the hors-douvres table ]

Partygoer #2: [ not looking at Harry as he grabs shrimp ] Well, you’ve gotta try some of these shrimp, friend, they.. [ turns and notices Harry’s headwound, dropping his shrimp to the floor and screaming ] Good Lord!

Massive Headwound Harry: Oh, I’m sorry, let me help you with that.. [ bends down, dropping his head into the bowl of shrimp, sending Partygoer #2 running to the bathroom ] I’d better go see if he’s alright..

Wife: No, no, no! You stay here!

Massive Headwound Harry: Oh. No, yeah, I’m fine.. I’ve just gotta rest for a second.. [ sits on the couch ] You know, maybe I need to lie down.. [ curls up on the coach, rubbing his headwound across the arm of the couch, as all the guests scream in disgust ]

Wife: Why did you have to invite him?!

Husband: Sorry! He overheard me talking to Phil and Steve – what was I gonna do?!

[ the guests scream louder as the couple’s dog starts to lick and chew on Harry’s headwound ]

Massive Headwound Harry: Whoa, boy! Whoa! Easy, boy! Easy! [ the dog chews off a piece of the headwound ] He probably smells my dog!

[ disgusted, the roomful of guests quickly exit the apartment ]

Partygoer #3: [ with punch spilled across her blouse ] We really have to go! Ugh! Thanks for having us!

Wife: Yeah.. we understand..

Massive Headwound Harry: [ stands up ] I guess the party’s over, thanks for having me! [ grabs a hat from the hat rack and places it over his head ]

Husband: No, no! That’s not your hat!

Massive Headwound Harry: Oh. I’m sorry. [ removes the hat from his head ]

Husband: No, that’s alright. You keep it.

Massive Headwound Harry: Thanks!

Announcer: This has been “Massive Headwound Harry”. Next week’s episode: “Borrowing the Headphones”.

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 3.7 / 5. Vote count: 3

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x