Schiller Visions: Hidden Camera Commercials
Knorben Knussen…..Tom Schiller
Switch Victim…..Chris Farley
SCHILLER VISIONS… WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY TOM SCHILLER
Announcer: From Sweden: Schiller Visions. Tonight: “Hidden Camera Commercials, What are they hiding?”
[ show hidden camera video set in a restaurant at night – Man drinking what he thinks is caffeinated coffee ]
Offscreen Voice: Are you aware, Sir, that you are drinking Colombian decaffeinated coffee crystals?
Man: [ surprised ] Am I? Why, it’s delicious! It tastes like rich-bodied, regular coffee!
[ cut to Knorben Knussen ]
Knorben Knussen: It took 264 hidden camera customers before that reaction was obtained. I am Knorben Knussen, for Swedish Televison One, and tonight we are going to examine the American craze of hidden camera commercials. Particularly, what doesn’t make it to your home television set.
[ cut to the never-before-seen outtake, featuring the Switch Victim drinking what he assumes is caffeinated coffee ]
Watch this unused camera take.
Offscreen Voice: Sir, do you realize that you are not drinking regular coffee, but Colombian decaffeinated coffee crystals?
Switch Victim: [ confused ] Wha-at?
Offscreen Voice: I said, you are drinking Colombian decaf coffee crystals!
Switch Victim: [ the smile silently disappears from his face, as anger sets in ] Why.. you.. sonofabitch! You no-good.. damn.. sonofaBITCH!! [ throws his table to the floor, then seizes the waiter by the collar ] You LIED to me!! You told me this was REGULAR COFFEE!! [ punches the waiter in the face, as his wife tries to restrain him ] Shut your YAPPER!!
[ a Cook smashes a bottle over the Switch Victim’s head, but this doesn’t stop him. Instead, he begins to throw pies across the room, as the Cook smashes more bottles over his head. ]
I’ll GET YOU!! I’ll KILL someone!! I’ll KILL someone!!
[ he starts to throw plates and silverware to the floor, as the Cook sneaks up behind him and repeatedly bangs a pot over the Switch Victim’s head until he is finally subdued, his wife sobbing uncontrollably as the scene fades. ]
Knorben Knussen: Now, live from Shreveport, Louisiana, via international satellite hookup, the victim of that hidden camera commercial, Michael Huff.
[ Huff is shown on the adjacent screen with bandages wrapped around his head ]
Mr. Huff, how do feel about your experience on hidden camera?
Switch Victim: An-gryyy..
Knorben KnussenThank you. And thank you from Swedish Television. Good night!