U.S. Fon


U.S. Fon

Barbara Gardner…..Julia Sweeney
Tom Claymore…..Phil Hartman


[ open on Barbara Gardner seated next to the phone in her living room – phone rings ]

Barbara Gardner: [ answers ] Hello?

[ interchange to Tom Claymore calling from a seedy motel ]

Tom Claymore: Yes.. hello.. [ reading from phone book ] Mrs. Barbara Gardner, of 1724 Meadowview Terrace?

Barbara Gardner: Yes?

Tom Claymore: I’m Tom Claymore, of Bonanza Resorts International.. I’m calling to congratulate you, you’ve won a 10-day, all expenses paid vacation to the Bahamas!

Barbara Gardner: I don’t remember registering for any trip.

Tom Claymore: Oh.. you’re automatically reigstered! Your name has been selected from a list of preferred customers!

Barbara Gardner: I’m not sure I understand…

Tom Claymore: Well, all I need is a credit card number, to confirm your identification, so you can claim your winnings. Any credit card number will do.

Barbara Gardner: Maybe you’d better give me your phone number first.

Tom Claymore: Oh, that won’t be necessary!

Barbara Gardner: You’re right. I already have it. [ looks at Caller ID] It’s 555-7213. Right?

Tom Claymore: [ freezes, as Barbara hangs up on him ] Boy.. she’s got my number.. now I’m gonna have to kill her..

Announcer: At U.S. Fon, we don’t have Caller ID. Maybe we’re the right choice.

SNL Transcripts

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