U.S. Fon


U.S. Fon

Barbara Gardner…..Julia Sweeney
Tom Claymore…..Phil Hartman


[ open on Barbara Gardner seated next to the phone in her living room – phone rings ]

Barbara Gardner: [ answers ] Hello?

[ interchange to Tom Claymore calling from a seedy motel ]

Tom Claymore: Yes.. hello.. [ reading from phone book ] Mrs. Barbara Gardner, of 1724 Meadowview Terrace?

Barbara Gardner: Yes?

Tom Claymore: I’m Tom Claymore, of Bonanza Resorts International.. I’m calling to congratulate you, you’ve won a 10-day, all expenses paid vacation to the Bahamas!

Barbara Gardner: I don’t remember registering for any trip.

Tom Claymore: Oh.. you’re automatically reigstered! Your name has been selected from a list of preferred customers!

Barbara Gardner: I’m not sure I understand…

Tom Claymore: Well, all I need is a credit card number, to confirm your identification, so you can claim your winnings. Any credit card number will do.

Barbara Gardner: Maybe you’d better give me your phone number first.

Tom Claymore: Oh, that won’t be necessary!

Barbara Gardner: You’re right. I already have it. [ looks at Caller ID] It’s 555-7213. Right?

Tom Claymore: [ freezes, as Barbara hangs up on him ] Boy.. she’s got my number.. now I’m gonna have to kill her..

Announcer: At U.S. Fon, we don’t have Caller ID. Maybe we’re the right choice.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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