SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 12/14/91: Suckerpunch


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 9

91i: Steve Martin / James Taylor


Host…..Steve Martin
Scott Fellstad…..Mike Myers
Christy Reynolds…..Victoria Jackson
Mark Strobel…..Chris Farley
Sabrina Boyd…..Ellen Cleghorne
Bob Van Arks…..Kevin Nealon

Don Pardo: Once again, it’s time for America’s most unpredictable game show, Suckerpunch. And here’s Mr. Suckerpunch himself, Chet Mutelle.

Host: Thank you and welcome to Suckerpunch. Now let’s meet our first Suckerpunch contestant, Scott Fellstad. Scott welcome to Suckerpunch.

Scott Fellstad: I’m sorry what’s the name of the show?

Host: Suckerpunch [fake punches Fellstad, ring sound heard, red light goes on, Fellstad falls to floor] Sorry Scott you didn’t win but that was a nice try. Now let’s meet Christy Reynolds. Christy, how was it that you came to join us here on Suckerpunch?

Christy Reynolds: Well I’m standing in line for the Tonight Show and then a page said they were getting new contestants for a new game show.

Host: Hmm well thanks for joining us Christy. Now let’s take a look at the Suckerpunch board. Categories are: American History, Shakespeare, Television, Trivia and Suckerpunches. Christy, which category do you choose?Christy Reynolds: I’ll take American- [Host punches Reynolds, ring and red light go off, Reynolds falls to ground]

Host: Sorry the category was Suckerpunches, Suckerpunches. Ok now our third contestant is Bob Van Arks from Racine, Wisconsin, but before we talk to Bob, let’s meet our audience member in the isolation booth, Mark Strobel, come on down Mark. Here we go Mark. [Mark blindfolded] Now the isolation booth is totally soundproof, am I right Mark?

Mark Strobel: That’s correct.

Host: OK you can take off the blindfold now and here’s the question. PT Barnum once said this type of person was born every minute.

Mark Strobel: Oh I know that, a sucker.

Host: That’s right. [Host Suckerpunches Mark, Mark falls to ground, ring sounds] Now let’s explain the rules for Suckerpunch. Basically whatever I say goes. Contestants were chosen at random from the ticket lines at the Tonight Show. Employees of NBC, their families or anyone who has ever seen Suckerpunch is ineligible. Ok let’s meet Bob Van Arks. Whoa, relax there a little bit there Bob. [taps Bob’s shoulder] I’ll tell you what, why don’t we come back and I’ll talk to our returning champion, Sabrina Boyd.

Sabrina Boyd: Hi Chet.

Host: Sabrina, this is your eighth week back.

Sabrina Boyd: That’s right. [Host and Boyd chuckle, Boyd Suckerpunches Bob]

Host: Alright Sabrina, you’re still our champion. Now tell us what you’ve won.

Sabrina Boyd: [starts picking pockets of contestants who had fallen] Well it looks like I’ve won about $300 [screeches] oooh! And a Diners Club card. [starts jumping]

Host: Oh congratulations! Well that’s it for Suckerpunch. This is Chet Futell saying ‘Hey your shoelace is untied’. [chuckes] Goodnight.

Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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