SNL Transcripts: Chevy Chase: 01/18/92: Chevy Chase’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 17: Episode 11

91k: Chevy Chase / Robbie Robertson

Chevy Chase’s Monologue

…..Chevy Chase

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Chevy Chase!

[ Cheers and applause from the audience. Chevy salutes the audience, then feigns an exit to Home Base’s entrance door, only to return to Home Base. ]

Chevy Chase: Thank you!

[ Chevy waves and salutes the audience once more. ]

Chevy Chase: Wow!!!

[ The cheers and applause from the audience are even louder, much to Chevy’s amusement. Chevy displays his wristwatch to the audience and gives a “wrap it up” gesture. ]

Chevy Chase: God, I feel overwhelmed! This week has been so, uh… unbelievable. These kids are just… so, uh… mediocre, really!

[ Huge laugh from the audience. ]

Chevy Chase: No, I’m kidding! They’re better than that. Uh, boy — I can’t believe it’s been 17 years since we started this little show. Me & Dan. And, uh… John. Gilda, Garrett, Laraine… and that bitch, Jane!

[ Another huge laugh from the audience. ]

Chevy Chase: No, th-that’s not fair! You see, that’s the way I used to be! I used to use people just to get a laugh. I was very arrogant in those days. You know, I used to be kind of a wise ass.

[ Chevy glances to CAMERA RIGHT. ]

Chevy Chase: Can I say that?

[ Chevy gives a chuckle. ]

Chevy Chase: And I’ve had problems; I’ll admit it! But, I’ve put them all behind me. And I think what’s been so instrumental in changing me, and my life over the last several years is my family. I’m sure many of you know I have uh, uh… four wonderful kids: China, India, Michigan, Fred. No, that’s not true. I got three beautiful daughters: Cydney, Caley and Emily. “Hi, Girls! You shouldn’t be up. Go to sleep!” And, of course, my incredible, unflappable wife…

[ Chevy gives a long pause. ]

Chevy Chase: Uh… I want to say Jane. Jayni! That’s right, Jayni! Of course, I want to say it — that’s her name! Ah, my heart is so full tonight. I’ve been close to tears all week. And, uh… there’s so much I’d like to say. I don’t really know how to.

[ Chevy looks to The SNL Band. ]

Chevy Chase: Maybe I could get some help from the band?

[ Chevy turns to musical co-director Cheryl Hardwick. ]

Chevy Chase: Cheryl?

[ The band does not play but George Benson’s 1977 song “The Greatest Love of All” is cued. ]

Chevy Chase: [lip-syncing]
“I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be”

[ CAMERA cuts to SPLIT GRAPHIC ]

[ BOTH SIDE PROFILE & CLOSE-UP ]

Chevy Chase: [lip-syncing]
“I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me”

[ The song abruptly stops. ]

Chevy Chase: [Robbie Robertson’s voice] Robbie Robertson is here! We’ll be right back!

Submitted by: Cody Downs

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