The Sensitive Naked Man

The Sensitive Naked Man

Sensitive Naked Man…..Rob Schneider
Cathy…..Susan Dey

[ open on the Sensitive Naked Man entering Cathy’s apartment. He carries a book to cover his privates from the camera ]

Sensitive Naked Man: It’s really good to see you again, Cathy. It’s been too long.

Cathy: Well, it’s great that you stopped by. [ sits on the couch ]

Sensitive Naked Man: [ sits next to Cathy on the couch ] I brought you something. It’s a book.

Cathy: Wow! Where’d you get this?

Sensitive Naked Man: One of those second-hand bookstores downtown. It seemed like you. So, how have you been? Have you been okay?

Cathy: Yeah, I’m fine.

Sensitive Naked Man: Wait a minute. Something’s wrong. I can tell.

Cathy: [ sighs ] No. I’m doing great. Really.

Sensitive Naked Man: What’s troubling you, Cathy?

Cathy: Nothing! Nothing!

Sensitive Naked Man: Hey, come on. I can always tell when something’s bothering you.

Cathy: [ sighs ] Well.. if you really want to know.. it’s because you’re not wearing any clothes. And it really freaks me out.

Sensitive Naked Man: Hey, come on. What’s really bothering you?

Cathy: I told you! It’s your nakedness. You never ever wear any clothes. Never. It’s really disturbing. And I think I’d really prefer it if you, like, went home and put something on. [ stands ]

Sensitive Naked Man: If you think I’m leaving you before I find out what’s really bothering you, you’re crazy.

Cathy: Would you just.. put, like, a towel on, or something?

Sensitive Naked Man: Hey, we’re talking about everything except what’s really bothering you, aren’t we? Sure, I could put on a towel, or borrow your bathrobe, but we’re not going to find out what’s really bothering you until you can really talk about it. Now, come on. [ they sit ]

Cathy: Okay.. When I was a little girl, my mother had a beautiful music box that meant a lot to her.. and one day I was playing with it, and I broke it! And I was too afraid to tell her.. and I hid all the pieces away.. and she never found out what happened to it.. and now she’s dead..!

Sensitive Naked Man: Hey, hey.. it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.

Cathy: No?

Sensitive Naked Man: You were just a kid.

Cathy: Yeah..

Sensitive Naked Man: You were just a kid..

Cathy: Oh.. wow! You know, I’ve never been able to tell anybody that before.. thank you!

Sensitive Naked Man: Come on.. let’s go get some sushi!

Cathy: [ smiles ] No, I don’t think so.

Sensitive Naked Man: Why not?

Cathy: Because you don’t have any clothes on.

Sensitive Naked Man: Come on, Cathy. What’s really bothering you?

Cathy: You’re naked.

Sensitive Naked Man: Tell you what? Why don’t I go down there and get us a table, and you can come down when you’re ready. Okay?

Cathy: Okay. [ smiles ]

Sensitive Naked Man: [ stands and walks toward the door, exposing his butt crack ]

Announcer: This has been “The Sensitive Naked Man”.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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