The Sensitive Naked Man


The Sensitive Naked Man

Sensitive Naked Man…..Rob Schneider
Cathy…..Susan Dey

[ open on the Sensitive Naked Man entering Cathy’s apartment. He carries a book to cover his privates from the camera ]

Sensitive Naked Man: It’s really good to see you again, Cathy. It’s been too long.

Cathy: Well, it’s great that you stopped by. [ sits on the couch ]

Sensitive Naked Man: [ sits next to Cathy on the couch ] I brought you something. It’s a book.

Cathy: Wow! Where’d you get this?

Sensitive Naked Man: One of those second-hand bookstores downtown. It seemed like you. So, how have you been? Have you been okay?

Cathy: Yeah, I’m fine.

Sensitive Naked Man: Wait a minute. Something’s wrong. I can tell.

Cathy: [ sighs ] No. I’m doing great. Really.

Sensitive Naked Man: What’s troubling you, Cathy?

Cathy: Nothing! Nothing!

Sensitive Naked Man: Hey, come on. I can always tell when something’s bothering you.

Cathy: [ sighs ] Well.. if you really want to know.. it’s because you’re not wearing any clothes. And it really freaks me out.

Sensitive Naked Man: Hey, come on. What’s really bothering you?

Cathy: I told you! It’s your nakedness. You never ever wear any clothes. Never. It’s really disturbing. And I think I’d really prefer it if you, like, went home and put something on. [ stands ]

Sensitive Naked Man: If you think I’m leaving you before I find out what’s really bothering you, you’re crazy.

Cathy: Would you just.. put, like, a towel on, or something?

Sensitive Naked Man: Hey, we’re talking about everything except what’s really bothering you, aren’t we? Sure, I could put on a towel, or borrow your bathrobe, but we’re not going to find out what’s really bothering you until you can really talk about it. Now, come on. [ they sit ]

Cathy: Okay.. When I was a little girl, my mother had a beautiful music box that meant a lot to her.. and one day I was playing with it, and I broke it! And I was too afraid to tell her.. and I hid all the pieces away.. and she never found out what happened to it.. and now she’s dead..!

Sensitive Naked Man: Hey, hey.. it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.

Cathy: No?

Sensitive Naked Man: You were just a kid.

Cathy: Yeah..

Sensitive Naked Man: You were just a kid..

Cathy: Oh.. wow! You know, I’ve never been able to tell anybody that before.. thank you!

Sensitive Naked Man: Come on.. let’s go get some sushi!

Cathy: [ smiles ] No, I don’t think so.

Sensitive Naked Man: Why not?

Cathy: Because you don’t have any clothes on.

Sensitive Naked Man: Come on, Cathy. What’s really bothering you?

Cathy: You’re naked.

Sensitive Naked Man: Tell you what? Why don’t I go down there and get us a table, and you can come down when you’re ready. Okay?

Cathy: Okay. [ smiles ]

Sensitive Naked Man: [ stands and walks toward the door, exposing his butt crack ]

Announcer: This has been “The Sensitive Naked Man”.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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