Partridge Family vs. The Brady Bunch
Laurie Partridge…..Susan Dey
Keith Partridge…..Dana Carvey
Danny Partridge…..Mike Myers
Shirley Partridge…..Julia Sweeney
Jan Brady…..Melanie Hutsell
Tracy Partridge…..Siobhan Fallon
Greg Brady…..Kevin Nealon
Marcia Brady…..Beth Cahill
Cindy Brady…..Victoria Jackson
Peter Brady…..Adam Sandler
Reuben Kincaid…..Chris Farley
Christopher Partridge…..David Spade
Bobby Brady…..Rob Schneider
[ open on “Partridge Family” opening theme sequence ] [ dissolve to Partridge garage, as the family practices their tunes; Reuben Kincaid stands at the back of the garage, watching and nodding approvingly ]
Partridge Family: [ singing ]“I’m sleeping
And right in the middle of a good dream
like all at once I wake up..”
Laurie Partridge: I hear a knock at the door!
Keith Partridge: [ to Danny ] Ah.. you wanna go get that, Squirt?
Danny Partridge: I don’t work for free![ the door opens, Jan Brady enters ]
Shirley Partridge: Hey, everybody, look who’s here – it’s Jan Brady from across the street!
Jan Brady: Hi! What’s going on? I got so sick of Marcia, I had to get away! She had already promised a date with Charlie, and she dumped him for Doug Simpson, the big man on campus ‘ cause something suddenly came up. Then Peter accidentally hit her in the nose with a football! But she deserved it, ’cause all I ever hear about is Marcia. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!!
Laurie Partridge: Hey, we have our problems, too. I mean, last week a skunk got on the tour bus and Danny got sprayed. So we all had to take baths in tomato juice before the performance.
Shirley Partridge: So, Jan, let’s jam!
Jan Brady: [ excited ] Okay! Yeah! I’d like that, I guess. Sure! Let’s do it!
Tracy Partridge: I’ve got a tambourine! [ hands it to Jan ]
Jan Brady: Alright![ The Partridge Family starts “I Think I LOve You” again, but Jan interrupts ]
Jan Brady: Hey! You guys aren’t singing! You’re faking! And those pretty voices are on a tape! I’m gonna go tell my brothers and sisters! [ pokes her head out the garage door ] Hey, you guys! Come on![ the five other Brady siblings enter the garage ]
Greg Brady: Hey, Jan, what’s up?
Marcia Brady: Yeah! What’s all the fuss about?
Keith Partridge: [ moves forward ] Hey, Marcia. You still playing hard to get?
Marcia Brady: Don’t even try it, Keith! Jan, why’d you call us over here?
Jan Brady: I just found out the world-famous Partridge Family doesn’t sing their own songs! They’re faking!
Cindy Brady: That’s not very nice..
Peter Brady: [ still struggling through puberty ] Yeah! You could set a really crummy example for the other bands!
Reuben Kincaid: [ finally speaks ] Yeah? Well, at least this band has a great sound!
Jan Brady: What do you mean? THe Brady Six has a great sound!
Greg Brady: Yeah! We challenge you guys to a Battle of the Bands!
Brady Six: [ singing ]I think I’ll go for a walk outside now,
The summertime’s calling my name, I hear it now.
I just can’t stay inside all day,
I’ve got to get out, gimme some of those rays.
Everybody’s smiling (sunshine day),
Everybody’s laughing (sunshine day)..”
Laurie Partridge: That’s pathetic!
Keith Partridge: Yeah, yeah.. one.. two!
Partridge Family: [ singing ]“I think I love you! (I think I love you)
I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for..”
Greg Brady: I know what you’re afraid of! You’re afriad of this next song!
Brady Six: [ singing ]“When it’s time to change, you’ve got to rearrange,
Who you are and what you’re gonna be.
Sha na na na na na na na na
Sha na na na na.
Sha na na na na na na na na na
Sha na na na na..”
Christopher Partridge: Shut up! Shut up! Hey, everybody! Let’s show them what we can do!
Partridge Family: [ singing ]“I woke up in love this morning
I woke up in love this morning
Went to sleep with you on my mind.”
Jan Brady: You make me sick! You make me sick! We’ve got choreography!
Brady Six: [ singing ]“We’re gonna keep on, keep on, keep on singing and dancing all through the night.We’re gonna keep on, keep on, keep on doing it right.”
Keith Partridge: Alright, alright, alright, enough, enough! Now, let’s try to work this out.. Mom, help us out.
Greg Brady: [ laughs ] Shyeah! Momma’s boy! I guess you gotta talk to Momma! Poor baby doesn’t have a daddy!
Reuben Kincaid: Hey, watch it! I’ll show ya who’s Daddy! [ pulls Shirley down and plants an aggressive kiss on her ]
Laurie Partridge: Come on! Maybe we don’t have a dad, and maybe we do lip-sycnh.. but you’re all half-adopted! [ Bradys all yell “Shut up!” ] It’s true! None of you are related as brother and sister, so what’s going on there?!
Jan Brady: We’re all couples! Is that what you want to hear? By the way, Laurie, I always envied you when you got a radio station in on your braces! That was really far out!
Mushmouth: Heyba, babies! What’sba allba fuss about? At leastba you can talkba..
Keith Partridge: Hey! Mushmouth from “Fat Albert & The Cosby Kids” is right!
Jan Brady: He is, Keith! Hey, everybody – let’s all play together!
Shirley Partridge: Now you’re talking![ they all sing “I Think I Love You” together, as the scene fades ]