Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
Jack Handey V/O:
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone,
I do a little trick to calm myself down.
I’ll go over to the person’s house and ring the doorbell.
When the person comes to the door, I’m gone,
but you know what I’ve left on the porch?
A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side
of its head with a note that says “You.”
After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.