SNL Transcripts: Jason Priestly: 02/15/92: Olympic Figure Skating

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 17: Episode 13

91m: Jason Priestly / Teenage Fan Club

Olympic Figure Skating

Verne Lundquist…..Phil Hartman
Scott Hamilton…..Dana Carvey
Brian Deming…..Jason Priestly
Tracey Wilson…..Julia Sweeney

(The opening animation of CBS’s coverage of the XVI Winter Games in Albertville is shown)

Verne Lundquist: Hello, I’m Verne Lundquist. We’re about to witness one of those dramatic moments that makes The winter Olympics, we here at CBS are associated with. Brian Deming, a young man from Rockford, Illinois, a real Cinderella story. A man who was not expected to win a medal here in Albertville. Can with an impressive performance tonight Vault himself into contention into the Gold Medal in Men’s Figure Skating. Our own Scott Hamilton is with us. (Scott appears) Scott, what does Brian need tonight.

Scott Hamilton: Well Verne, Brian needs a 5.6. That’s a 5.6 to pass Alexander Yolonov for a silver medal and he needs a 5.8 for a gold. He can’t afford a big mistake but I watched Brian in practice today and he was exquisite. All he has to do is skate the program he skated this afternoon and Brian will have his medal.

(Brian skates onto the ice)

Verne Lundquist: Thank you Scott. Here’s Brian now, he’s taking his position on the ice. (Brian’s mother is shown in the crowd) And there we see Brian’s mother, the woman the story of sacrifice, we are all very familiar with. Driving Brian 120 miles every day, back and forth to Chicago seven days a week, fifty two weeks a year for sixteen years so he could train with Marty Schienholtz. Quite a story. We have reached the moment of truth. Let’s watch [The music starts and Brian starts skating]

Scott Hamilton: What a bold choice of music. Now this first move coming up is a triple twist lutz. It’s very crucial to his per— (Brian jumps and wipes out)

Verne and Scott: Oh!

Scott Hamilton: Well, that’s too bad. That’ll cost him the gold.

Verne Lundquist: Oh that’s a shame, Scott.

Scott Hamilton: Yes, very very disappointing. But he’s not letting up. He still looks like he can really— (Brian jumps and wipes out again)

Verne and Scott: Oh!

Scott Hamilton: Well, that’ll cost him even the bronze.

Verne Lundquist: Really, just for that fall.

Scott Hamilton: Yes, it was just so totally out of control.

Verne Lundquist: But he’s gotten up and he’s continuing on.

Scott Hamilton: Yes, you really have to admire how this man has hung in there and– (Brian wipes out again)

Verne and Scott: Oh!

Verne Lundquist: What was he trying there?

Scott Hamilton: Well that was a double axel, Verne, but he must’ve caught an edge because he just wiped out.

Verne Lundquist: But he’s up again. What courage. It looks like he’s perhaps injured himself.

Scott Hamilton: Yes, he seems to be favoring his— (Brian just falls down this time)

Verne and Scott: Oh!

Scott Hamilton: Well, that was awful.

Verne Lundquist: He should quit now, shouldn’t he?

Scott Hamilton: Yes, he’s just totally out of his routine. I would say he’s completely— (Brian falls again)

Verne and Scott: Oh!

(Cut to Verne and Scott)

Verne Lundquist: Could this cause permanent—

Verne and Scott: Oh!

Verne Lundquist: permanent—

Verne and Scott: Oh!

Verne Lundquist: damage?

Scott Hamilton: Yes, he really should—

Verne and Scott: Oh!

Scott Hamilton: Someone should really stop this, but Olympic rules prohibit—

Verne and Scott: Oh!

Scott Hamilton: anyway from actually—

[Cut back to the ice where Brian is now sliding on his belly]

Verne and Scott: Oh!

Scott Hamilton: You know, I think the important thing about the Olympics is (Brian falls again) to come here to Olympics and compete and give it your best and I can say as a former Olympian is the greatest thrill is just having been there. (Brian crashes into the boards) And that’s something that Brian will have for the rest of his life.

Verne Lundquist: Oh, who’s skating next Scott?

Scott Hamilton: Randy Bauer from Germany Verne. He’s a very graceful and technical superior skater, but he doesn’t have the flamboyance of a Franz Pennick.

Verne Lundquist: Franz from Switzerland, a civil worker from Zurich whose wife is expecting a baby at any minute.

Scott Hamilton: Yes, quite a human drama there.

Verne Lundquist: And of course we’ll be going to highlights of the Women’s Alpine Skiing later in the broadcast and that exciting run Uli Gerhart this afternoon in the Giant Slalom. But back to Brian Deming who appears to be wrapping up his heroic performance here in Albertville, yes. (Brian finishes with a gash over his right eye and a bloody lip) We are waiting for Brian’s scores. Right now, let’s go down to Tracey Wilson who’s with Brian.

[Cut to Tracey and a completely out of breath Brian]

Tracey Wilson: Brian, that was a bold choice of music. (Brian nods)

[The scores appear on the screen]

Tracey Wilson: Here are the scores, (FRA) 0.1, (AUS) 0.1, (USA) 0.1, (EUN) 0.0, that’s the Russian judge. (CAN) Oh, theres a 0.2, (GER) and another 0.0, (GBR) and another 0.0. Brian, are you disappointed? (Brian nods) Brian, is there anything that you can say?

Brian Deming: (grabs the mike) LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!

Submitted by: Nick Johnson

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