Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 17: Episode 17
Sharon Stone’s Monologue
Sharon Stone: Thank you very much! Thank you! I’m a little nervous! [ laughs ] You know, I think I’d feel a little more comfortable if I could sit down.. [ a chair resembling the one from “Basic Instinct” is brought in, Sharon sits ] Yeah.. that feels better.. [ crosses her legs and lights a cigarette ]
Voice of Director: Uh, Miss Stone, there’s no smoking during the monologue.
Sharon Stone: [ laughs ] What are you gonna do, Davey, take me off the air? We’re live. [ smokes ] You know.. I had a great week. I like working with these guys. They give me a lot of laughs. I love to laugh. It’s nice. It sends ripples of pleasure through my body..
[ cut to Chris Farley watching from offstage, excitement shining from his face ]
Leaving here is gonna be sad.. because I’ll miss all the pleasure they gave me..
[ cut to Lorne Michaels watching from offstage, excitement shining from his face ]
Especially the men.. because they’re so.. funny. But, you know what? [ puffs on her cigarette ] The women are funny, too.. very funny. That’s right.. the women made me laugh, too..
[ cut to Victoria Jackson watching from offstage, licking her lips in anticipation ]
You know who else made me laugh? The writers.
[ cut to writers Tom Davis, Jim Downey, Warren Hutcherson, Robert Smigel, Terry Turner and Fred Wolf watching from offstage, excitement shining from their faces ]??, Jim Downey, Herb Sargent, Robert Smigel, Tom Davis, Fred Wolf, Warren Hutcherson and ??Terry Turner
But not that much. I’m not gonna miss them. The stagehands weren’t that funny..
[ cut to the stagehands watching unhappily from offstage ]
Of course, that’s not their job. But they could have tried. [ puffs on her cigarette ] Well, anyway, I think we’ve got a great show tonight. And I think you’ll get a lot of pleasure out of it.. I know I will.. Pearl Jam is here.
[ cut to the Pearl Jam watching from offstage, excitement shining from their faces ]
Oh.. and one more thing.. [ starts to lift her leg, but casually stands up instead ] ..we’ll be right back!