Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 17: Episode 17
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Pat’s Interrogation
Interrogator #1…..Chris Farley
Pat…..Julia Sweeney
Interrogator #2…..Dana Carvey
Interrogator #3…..Phil Hartman
Interrogator #1: Could you tell us the nature of your relationship with.. Chris?
Pat: Why, I had sex with Chris for about a year-and-a-half. I like having sex with Chris! I like people who give me pleasure!
Interrogator #1: Did you and Chris play any kind of.. games in bed.
Pat: Yes.
Interrogator #1: Anything specific?
Pat: Role reversal! We felt it kept the relationship alive!
Interrogator #2: Did you and Chris practice safe sex?
Pat: Yes.
Interrogator #1: Which one of you put on the condom?
Pat: We put it on together, we made it a part of froepaly like the sex manual suggests. [ laughs, then uncrosses her leg and rubs its hand over its crotch ]
Interrogator #3: Listen, Pat – if you were a baby, what color would your Pampers be, pink or blue?
Pat: Diapers were all white back then!
Interrogator #2: You’re lying, Pat, you’re lying! You’re not teling the truth, and by God I’m gonna find out! You’re not telling the truth, Pat, I’m gonna figure you out! I’m gonna figure you out!
[ Pat looks worried ]
Jingle: “It’s time for androgyny
that’s just Pat!”
[ fade to black ]
