SNL Transcripts: Sharon Stone: 04/11/92: Tayster’s Choice I

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 17

91q: Sharon Stone / Pearl Jam

Tayster’s Choice I

Woman…..Sharon Stone
Man…..Dana Carvey
Announcer…..Phil Hartman
Partygoer…..Siobhan Fallon

[FADE IN on a feminine hand ringing a doorbell as chamber music plays in the background. ZOOM OUT as a man answers the door and grins to see a beautiful blonde in a black dress off the shoulders.]

Woman: [coolly] Hello. I’m sorry to bother you, but… I’m having a dinner party.

Man: And?

Woman: And… I’m out of spermicidal jelly.


Man: Come in.

Woman: Thank you.

[She walks in past him as he leers to the camera in approval. CUT to inside the apartment.]

Man: Would… Tayster’s Choice be too good for your guests?

[He deliberately holds up what appears to be a tube of toothpaste labeled “Tayster’s Choice.”]

Woman: Oh… I think they could get used to it.

Man: It’s a very sophisticated spermicidal jelly.

Woman: They have very sophisticated tastes.

Man: Do they?

Woman: [grins] Yes. Well… I must be getting back.

[She exits as he looks at the camera with a slow nod of approval. FADE to a product ID slide of the burgundy-and-white “Tayster’s Choice” tube. SUPERIMPOSE “Savor the sophistication of” at top.]

Announcer: Savor the sophistication of Tayster’s Choice Spermicidal Jelly.

[FADE to the blonde with another woman at her dinner party.]

Partygoer: [softly] So… have you met your new… neighbor yet?

Woman: [holding teacup] Oh, I’ve… popped in for spermicidal jelly.

[FREEZE on the blonde’s sexy grin, then SUPERIMPOSE, “To Be Continued.” FADE to black over applause.]

Submitted by: Sean

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