Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 17: Episode 17
Tayster’s Choice I
Woman…..Sharon Stone
Man…..Dana Carvey
Announcer…..Phil Hartman
Partygoer…..Siobhan Fallon
[FADE IN on a feminine hand ringing a doorbell as chamber music plays in the background. ZOOM OUT as a man answers the door and grins to see a beautiful blonde in a black dress off the shoulders.]
Woman: [coolly] Hello. I’m sorry to bother you, but… I’m having a dinner party.
Man: And?
Woman: And… I’m out of spermicidal jelly.
[laughter]
Man: Come in.
Woman: Thank you.
[She walks in past him as he leers to the camera in approval. CUT to inside the apartment.]
Man: Would… Tayster’s Choice be too good for your guests?
[He deliberately holds up what appears to be a tube of toothpaste labeled “Tayster’s Choice.”]
Woman: Oh… I think they could get used to it.
Man: It’s a very sophisticated spermicidal jelly.
Woman: They have very sophisticated tastes.
Man: Do they?
Woman: [grins] Yes. Well… I must be getting back.
[She exits as he looks at the camera with a slow nod of approval. FADE to a product ID slide of the burgundy-and-white “Tayster’s Choice” tube. SUPERIMPOSE “Savor the sophistication of” at top.]
Announcer: Savor the sophistication of Tayster’s Choice Spermicidal Jelly.
[FADE to the blonde with another woman at her dinner party.]
Partygoer: [softly] So… have you met your new… neighbor yet?
Woman: [holding teacup] Oh, I’ve… popped in for spermicidal jelly.
[FREEZE on the blonde’s sexy grin, then SUPERIMPOSE, “To Be Continued.” FADE to black over applause.]
Submitted by: Sean
