Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 17: Episode 17
Tayster’s Choice II
Man…..Dana Carvey
Date…..Julia Sweeney
Neighbor…..Sharon Stone
Announcer…..Phil Hartman
[FADE IN on the man and a dinner companion cradling teacups and smiling at each other as soft piano music plays in the background. The doorbell suddenly buzzes.]
Man: Excuse me.
[He answers the door and finds his sexy blonde neighbor standing with a sack of groceries in her arms.]
Neighbor: You saved my life the other night.
Man: [chuckles suavely] The dinner party.
Neighbor: The spermicidal jelly. Very successful.
Man: How can you… ever thank me?
Neighbor: I’ll think of something. But in the meantime, at least I can return your…
[pulls tube out of sack] …Tayster’s Choice. [hands him tube]
Man: Look, I’m… busy right now, but… perhaps…
Woman: Perhaps.
[She turns smoothly away, and the man turns back inside. FADE to product ID.]
Announcer: Savor the sophistication of Tayster’s Choice Spermicidal Jelly.
[FADE back to the man and his date just as before.]
Man: Just my neighbor. How was the… spermicidal jelly?
Date: Perfect. Where did you get it from?
Man: Oh, I… have it delivered.
[FREEZE on his smirking face. FADE to black over applause.]
Submitted by: Sean
