Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 17: Episode 18
[ open on interior, company staff room ]
Kevin: [ sitting with one leg resting on the other ] Hey, Dan, how’s that coming?
Dan: [ hand leaning upon chin ] Oh, pretty good, it’s.. is that a Third Quarter report you’re looking at?
Kevin: Yeah. Take a look at these numbers.
Dan: Okay. [ stands up, hand still leaning upon his chin ]
Kevin: Here’s what I’m conerned about.
Dan: [ looking ] Yeah.. that’s probably left over from the..[ fax machine beeps ]
Kevin: That’s the fax. I’ll get it. [ walks across room, hopping on one foot because the his leg remains firmly hooked beside his other leg ]
Ed: [ enters room bent forward, hands behind his head ] Hey, everybody!
Dan: Hey, Ed.
Ed: What’s the good word?
Dan: Oh, just a couple discrepancies on the Third Quarter report.
Ed: Oh, don’t sweat it, Dan. I checked it out against yesterday’s draft. That’s just a clerical – no problem. [ sits down in his chair, head leans back to the wall, angling his behind-the-head posture to a perfect pose ]
Dave: [ walks with his hand stretched out, fitting perfectly against the wall ] Say, Ed, I left those blueprints on your desk. Could you look at them?
Ed: Sure, Dave. Just give me a minute.
Mike: [ crouching past the hall, posed in a sitting position, holding an open newspaper ] Excuse me, could you tell me where the, ah..
Kevin: Down the hall, second door on your left.
Mike: Thanks a lot! [ continues down the hall ]
Suzanne: [ enters room with both arms extended, legs crossed, head tilted ] Hey, guys!
Guys: Hey, Suzanne.. how are you?[ they all crowd around Ed’s desk ]
Kevin: Ed, I’m worried about Suzanne.
Dave: I don’t think she’s working out.
Ed: I know. She.. [ stands ] Walk with me. [ they follow him, walking in their unusual postures ] I don’t know what it is. She just doesn’t seem to be fitting in.
Dan: Well, maybe we’re not making an effort.
Dave: I think it’s her.
Ed: [ looking across the room ] Hey, wait. Take a look![ with her arms extended, Suzanne is using one to change a light bulb, one to leaf through folders in a file cabinet, and a telephone below her neck ]
Suzanne: Hey, guys! [ the guys are in awe ] Hey, how’s the Third Quarter report coming?[ the guys approach her, smiling ]
Dave: Hey, do you want to take a look at it?
Ed: Hey, Suzanne, we’re having a company softball this weekend. Would you like to join us?
Suzanne: Yeah. I’d love to!
Kevin: [ peers into hall ] Holy Smokes! Here comes the boss![ everyone moves about in the room, finding the perfect place to sit or stand so their odd postures allow them to appear to be working effectively ]
Boss: [ enters, walking straight ] Hi, everyone.
Everyone: Hey, Boss! How you doing>
Boss: I’m glad to see everyone busy. Jenkins, is your outline ready for tomorrow’s presentation?
Dan: Uh.. right here, Sir. [ hands papers to him ] [ grabs report, glancing at it ] Yes, this should be very interesting. [ standing straight, he leans back and falls into the couch, stiff as a board ]
Dave: [ whispering ] He’s a tough customer.
Ed: [ smiling ] Yeah, but it’s great to watch him work.[ fade to black ]