SNL Transcripts: Nicolas Cage: 09/26/92: Tiny Elvis



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 18: Episode 1




92a: Nicolas Cage / Bobby Brown

Tiny Elvis

Tiny Elvis…..Nicolas Cage
Red…..Kevin Nealon
Sonny…..Rob Schneider
Driver…..Chris Farley

[ open on Tiny Elvis’s mansion, Tiny E. and the boys in the living room ]

Tiny Elvis: Hey, Sonny, Red, you boys having a good time?

Red: Count on it, Tiny Elvis.

Sonny: Takin’ care of business, Tiny E!

Tiny Elvis: Well, that’s good man, that’s real good. Hey, Sonny, Red! Look how big that lamp is, man! That’s hu-u-uge!

Sonny: [ laughs ]

Red: That’s right, E!

Tiny Elvis: Well, man, I don’t know how I’d ever turn that thing off, man. That is enormous!

Sonny: That’s right, Elvis, that’s a big lamp! [ slaps his knee ]

Tiny Elvis: Sure is, man. That’s a really big lamp!

Red: That’s hilarious, Elvis!

Sonny: Yeah, Elvis, you’re really funny!

Tiny Elvis: Hey, man.. look at that salt shaker, man. That is huge! Man, I’ll never be able to use all that salt, man. That is way too much!

Red: Yeah, that’s a big salt shaker, Elvis!

Tiny Elvis: Sure is huge, man.

Sonny: That’s hilarious, Elvis!

Red: Score another one for the Tiny E!

Sonny: Man, we can’t keep up with you!

Tiny Elvis: Well, I’m just saying it’s a big salt shaker, that’s all.

Red: [ laughing ] There he goes again! That’s why he’s the Tiny E.

Sonny: Hey, stand next to it. Come on, E, that’d be real cute!

Tiny Elvis: [ taking offense ] Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you saying, man?

Sonny: What’s the matter, Tiny E?

Tiny Elvis: What, are you calling me “cute”, man?

Sonny: I’m sorry, Tiny E..

Tiny Elvis: Hey, man, I’m not cute! I’m a blackbelt in karate! I got a good mind to climb up your shirt and give your lower a lip a roundhouse kick!

Sonny: I’m sorry. Sorry.

Tiny Elvis: Well, I could split your lip in 79 kicks, man!

Red: Well, he didn’t mean anything by it, Tiny Elvis.

Tiny Elvis: Well, alright.. let’s go for a ride.

Red: I’m with you, Elvis.

Sonny: Count me in, Tiny E.

Tiny Elvis: Well, tell Joe to bring the car around.

[ the scene shifts to the boys riding with Tiny Elvis in his car. Tiny Elvis stands atop the dashboard. ]

Tiny Elvis: Turn left here, man!

Driver: You’re the man, Elvis.

Sonny: Good call, Tiny King.

Tiny Elvis: Hey, man! Look at that knob on that radio! Man, that is hu-u-uge!

[ the boys laugh ]

Sonny: Man, you’re going tonight, Tiny E!

Tiny Elvis: Well, I’m just saying that’s a big knob, that’s all. Alright, it looks pretty dead out. Tiny E’s gonna get some shuteye. [ curls up on the dashboard ]

Driver: You do that, Tiny E!

Sonny: Oh, look at him, Red. That’s adorable!

Red: Yeah, he looks like a tiny mouse.

Driver: You know what would be really cute? If Elvis would lay his little head down on a miniature marshmallow.

Red: [ laughing ] Hey, put a little acorn on his head and use it for a helmet!

[ the boys laugh harder ]

Sonny: Man, he’s so cute, he’s like a buttercup!

[ the boys keep laughing, as Tiny Elvis wakes up ]

Tiny Elvis: Oh, what’s that, man? What’s this buttercup stuff, man?

Driver: Oh.. we’re sorry, Elvis.. We thought you was asleep..

Tiny Elvis: [ outraged ] What, you doing that again?! Who’s the buttercup, ME?!

Sonny: We’re sorry, Elvis..

Tiny Elvis: Well, that’s it! Out of the car, all of you!

[ the Driver slams on the brakes and they all exit the car ]

Driver: Alright.

Red: Good call.

Sonny: You’re the King, Tiny E!

[ the scene shifts to Tiny Elvis kneeling against the dashboard, with one hand gripped to the steering wheel ]

Tiny Elvis: Oh, man! Look at this steering wheel! That is hu-u-uge!!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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