Chameleon XLE


Chameleon XLE

Spokesman…..Phil Hartman
Man…..David Spade

Spokesman V/O: If you’re a luxury car owner, there’s something you should know. Luxury sedans are stolen at the rate of four per minute.

[ show couple walking to curb from restaurant; his car is nowhere to be found ]

Man: My brand new BMW! I just got this car two days ago!

[ Spokesman enters foreground ]

Spokesman: Frightening, isn’t it? Suddenly, the idea of buying a car for the cache of a hood ornament seems outdated. In the 90’s, you don’t need a car to tell the world you’re wealthy; you need a car to tell the world you’re smart.

[ show luxury car under wraps, as a breeze sends the cloth flying to reveal a junky-looking vehicle underneath ]

Spokesman: Introducing the Chameleon XLE for 1993. Finally, a luxury car that doesn’t look like a luxury car.

Inside, the Chameloen XLE has everything you would expect in a luxury sedan of its class. Soft leather seating, a contoured instrument panel, and fine wood. But there’s more – much more.

Authentically distressed fenders give way to a partially padded roof of blistered vinyl. While under the hood, a simulated transmission-fluid drip whispers, “Hey, not worth the trouble.” This is craftsmanship no one will steal. GThis is engineering for the inner-city driving experience.

[ Spokesman places marble at the top of hood, which rolls forward into a hole at the bootm of the hood ]

Spokesman: Every inch of the Chameleon XLE is a pinnacle of urban design.

There’s attention to detail. Like three mismatched wheel covers, and one exposed rim in school-bus yellow. Standard.

A broken taillight repaired with duct tape. Standard.

Retractable antenna. Standard.

The body of a Pontiac with a driver’s-side door from an Oldsmobile Delta ’88. All standard.

A car thief takes one look at this, and keeps right on walking. Of course, it’s equipped with an automatic alarm system – but do you really think you’ll need it?

[ Spokesman turns on alarm, which renders the car even more useless ]

Spokesman: The Chameleon XLE. They might tow it away, but they’ll never steal it.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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