Spokesman V/O: If you’re a luxury car owner, there’s something you should know. Luxury sedans are stolen at the rate of four per minute.
Man: My brand new BMW! I just got this car two days ago![ Spokesman enters foreground ]
Spokesman: Frightening, isn’t it? Suddenly, the idea of buying a car for the cache of a hood ornament seems outdated. In the 90’s, you don’t need a car to tell the world you’re wealthy; you need a car to tell the world you’re smart.[ show luxury car under wraps, as a breeze sends the cloth flying to reveal a junky-looking vehicle underneath ]
Spokesman: Introducing the Chameleon XLE for 1993. Finally, a luxury car that doesn’t look like a luxury car.
Inside, the Chameloen XLE has everything you would expect in a luxury sedan of its class. Soft leather seating, a contoured instrument panel, and fine wood. But there’s more – much more.
Authentically distressed fenders give way to a partially padded roof of blistered vinyl. While under the hood, a simulated transmission-fluid drip whispers, “Hey, not worth the trouble.” This is craftsmanship no one will steal. GThis is engineering for the inner-city driving experience.[ Spokesman places marble at the top of hood, which rolls forward into a hole at the bootm of the hood ]
Spokesman: Every inch of the Chameleon XLE is a pinnacle of urban design.
There’s attention to detail. Like three mismatched wheel covers, and one exposed rim in school-bus yellow. Standard.
A broken taillight repaired with duct tape. Standard.
Retractable antenna. Standard.
The body of a Pontiac with a driver’s-side door from an Oldsmobile Delta ’88. All standard.
A car thief takes one look at this, and keeps right on walking. Of course, it’s equipped with an automatic alarm system – but do you really think you’ll need it?[ Spokesman turns on alarm, which renders the car even more useless ]
Spokesman: The Chameleon XLE. They might tow it away, but they’ll never steal it.