Cluckin’ Chicken


Cluckin’ Chicken

Clucky Chicken…..Adam Sandler
Dad…..Phil Hartman

[ open on exterior, Cluckin’ Chicken fast food restaurant ]

Jingle: “Something’s cookin’ at the Cluckin’ Chicken”

Clucky Chicken: [ popping into the front of the screen ] That’s me! [ flies up to a table flled with kids and their Dad ]

Dad: Hey, Clucky – why’s the Cluckin’ Chicken so chick-a-licious?

Clucky Chicken: Everybody knows why. It’s ’cause I’m flame-broiled! Yow-zee-yow-dow! But that’s not all – I’m cooked fresh! First my head’s cut off! [ the cook chops Clucky’s head off and send it flying through the restaurant ] Heads up! [ Clucky’s head appears before another chicken being gutted ] Then I’m plucked and gutted – my intestines are pulled out. Trust me, you don’t want ’em! Whee! Look at me! I’m gettin’ quartered and split breasts, wings, the whole nine yards! Chopitty, chop! Then the pieces of me get flame-broiled. Hear that sizzle? That’s me! 550 degrees! Good thing I’m dead, or yow-wee! Then I’m seasoned just right, and ready to go! [ takes a bite of a piece of chicken ] Hey, I’m good! Finally, I’m served to you, so you can chew me, swallow me, and convert me into waste matter. [ peers into the toilet ] Ga-ga-ga-gooey!

[ returns to the kids and their Dad ] Hey, kids, how’s the meat?

Kids: [ chewing ferociously ] You taste great, Clucky!

Clucky Chicken: [ head spinning around the restaurant ] Holy fanoley! The oxygen’s leaving my brain!

Dad; Any last words, Clucky?

Clucky Chicken: You betcha! [ singing ] “If you want a place for the greatest chicken, take it from my head, it’s easy pickin’, ’cause..

Jingle: “Something’s always cookin’ at the Cluckin’ Chicken!

Clucky Chicken: Being dead never tasted so go-nobbity good!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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