The Dark Side with Nat X
Nat X…..Chris Rock
Announcer: Live, from Compton, California, BET TV – that’s BlackEntertainment Television – presents “The Dark Side with Nat X”. The onlyshow on TV written by a brother, produced by a brother, and strictly forthe brothers. Now, get ready for a man who’s so black, his shadowstill can’t find him. Step back, ’cause here comes Nat!
Nat X: Peace, brothers and sisters. I’m Nat X, and welcome to”The Dark Side”, the only five-minute show on TV! Why only five? Becausethat’s all the time I’ve got between the showings of “Malcolm X”. Now, a lotof people think “Malcolm X” might cause riots. I’ll tell you what movie’sgonna cause riots – that one where Whitney Houston’s hugging up on thatwhite boy, Kevin Costner! What’s the matter, Whitney? You can’t get ablack bodyguard? Why don’t you go borrow one from Eddie Murphy?! Anyway,I give “X” two thums up. Why only two? ‘Cause that’s all the thumbsthe Man would give me! Now, before we bring out my first guest.. [ theWhite-Man Cam suddenly comes on, zooming in for a close-up of Nat, andplacing the image of jailbars in front of him ] Hey, stop that! Get thataway! White-Man Cam! You ain’t gettin’ me! [ White-Man Cam cameramanwalks away ] Boy, I have’nt had that much fun since I did the Wild Thingwith Weezy Jefferson! Now, my first guest tonight is the envy of most menin America, because he is known to have slept with Janet Jackson. Pleasewelcome her father – Joe Jackson! [ Joe steps out and stands in front ofNat’s desk ] Sit your “I-Don’t-Believe-in-Birth-Control-Ass down![ Joe sits down ] Now, Joe, why don’t you tell the people why you’rehere?
Joe Jackson: I’m here to tell my side of the story againstthe miniseries “The Jacksons: The American Dream”. Did you watch it, Nat?
Nat X: Yeah, I watched it! I was amazed at your talent!
Joe Jackson: [ intrigued ] Oh? Did you like my guitar playing?
Nat X: No! I’m not talking about your guitar playing! I’m talkingabout your left hook! I mean, I saw you smack Jackie so hard, his afro cameoff!
Joe Jackson: Look, Nat.. I had some problems back then..
Nat X: Well, your problem must have been your jab.. ’causeyour left hook was workin’ fine!
Joe Jackson: Nat! Sometimes the kids brought it upon themselves.
Nat X: Now I can understand smacking LaToya.. but why would you hitTito? He never hurt nobody!
Joe Jackson: Nat, I suggest we talk about the show, before I goupside your head.
Nat X: [ agreeable ] Okay. [ pause ] Now, tell me the truth aboutMichael – was it all surgery, or did you smack the black off him?!Sandman, get him out of here!
Joe Jackson: Hey, get up, boy! Get up!
Nat X: Hey, come on, Joe! He’s just a clown! Why don’t you gobeat up the Sylvers for singing “Boogie Fever”? [ Joe smacks Nat in thenose, stunning him ] Alright! That’s all the time we got! We gottaget out of here and go see the movie! Come on, let’s go see “X”![ Nat and his studio audience run off the set ]