Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon


Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon

…..Kevin Nealon
…..Adam Sandler

Kevin Nealon: Good evening, I’m Kevin Nealon. Here, now, ourtop story.

This week President Clinton took his first tour of the White House asPresident-Elect. On the tour were the historic Lincoln Room, where AbrahamLincoln slept; the Truman Room, where Harry Truman slept; and the OvalOffice, where Ronald Reagan slept.

Barbara Bush welcomed Hillary Clinton to the White House this week, greetedher with a warm, motherly embrace, took her into the Executive Mansion, andthen gave her a spanking she’ll never forget.

After news photographers lured Chelsea Clinton’s pet cat, Socks, out ofthe Governor’s Mansion for a photo shoot, President-Elect Clinton angrilyordered them not to do it again. Meanwhile, Socks, who had nothing elseto do, decided to kill some time fooling around with Gennifer Flowers’cat, Blondie.

A statistic in U.S.A. Today revealed that 1 out of every 3 smokerstry to quit smoking each year. The other 2 quit breathing.

Remember: immediately following tonight’s boadcast, there will beanother TV show.

The high ratings of the miniseries “The Jacksons” on ABC, and “Sinatra” onCBS, have prompted third-place NBC to announce plans for its own miniseries”The Cowsills”.

Kevin Nealon: Tonight, we start what we hope will become a “WeekendUpdate” tradition. Every Thanksgiving from now on, a different “SNL”performer will compose and sing an original song to commemorate theholidays. We couldn’t think of a better person to begin this tradition thanour own, Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler: Oh, thank you.. thank you, Kevin!

Kevin Nealon: Alright, Adam, are you ready?

Adam Sandler: Yes, I am, Kevin. I’ve worked all week on my song,and I hope you’ll be entertained and a little moved.

[ singing ]“Love to eat turkey, love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey ’cause it’s good
Love to eat turkey like a good boy should
Cause it’s turkey to eat, so good

A turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let’s eat turkey in a big brown shoe.

Love to eat turkey at the table,
I once saw a movie with Betty Grable.
Eat that turkey all night long,
50 million Elvis fans can’t be wrong.

Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey dap,
I eat the turkey and I take a nap

Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmie Walker used to say “Dynomite”
That’s right!

Turkey with the gravy and the cranberry
Can’t believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry

Turkey for you, turkey for me,
Can’t believe Tyson gave the girl V.D.

Gobble gobble dee, gobble gobble dawkie,
I used to go to camp at Lake Winnepesaukee”

Adam Sandler: Come on, Kevin.
Kevin Nealon: No, that’s okay.
Adam Sandler: Oh, it’ll be fun.
Kevin Nealon: Okay.

“Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey duffin,
Love to eat turkey with a lot of stuffin’
Turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let’s eat turkey in a big brown shoe.

Turkey and sweet potato pie,
Sammy Davis Jr. only had one eye
Turkey with the girls, turkey with the boys,
My favorite kind of pants are corduoroys

Gobble gobble gee, gobble gobble gickle
I wish turkeys could only cost a nickel.

Oh, I love turkey .. on Thanksgivingggggg..”

Adam Sandler: Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Kevin Nealon: Thank you, Adam. I’m Kevin Nealon, and that’s news to me.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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