Dogs
…..Tom Arnold
Lead Singer…..Adam Sandler
Backup Singer….. Rob Schneider
Bassist….. Mike Myers
Rhythm Guitarist….. Rob Smigel
Drummer…..Dana Carvey
Fan #1 …..Melanie Hutsell
Fan #2 …..Chris Farley
Fan #3 ….. David Spade
Tom Arnold: You know, I’m a huge fan of the Seattle rock scene, and this
summer I spent a little time up there and I saw a band that really blew me
away. I’m honored to introduce them here tonight. Ladies and gentlemen –
Dogs!
[ Cut to the stage where Dogs performs-the backup singer and bassist are
wearing leash harnesses, the rhythm guitarist has a frisbee in his mouth,
the drummer on a pedestal resembling a doggie dish has a bow in his hair,
and the shirtless lead singer/lead guitarist wears a collar and tags and has
eight nipples. ]
Dogs:
“1, 2, 3, 4!”
[ they start playing as spectators watch on ]
“Well, I’m jumping on the table cause nothing seems quite as nice,
Now my face is in my poo, that’s your clever punishment device.
I slept on the couch,
I THOUGHT YOU’D LIKE IT!
Brought you a dead bird,
I THOUGHT YOU’D EAT IT!
So now you’re like my nose, cold as iiiiiiiiiiice!
[ Fan #1 goes up and pets the lead singer’s hair, then walks off
triumphantly]
Cause I was baa-aa-aad!
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!
‘Cause I won’t make on the wee-wee pad!
[ Fan #2 takes a doggie treat out of his pocket and feeds it to the bassist]
Oh what’s my name again?
I’m sorry I didn’t come running
No dinner for me? So sad
It makes its own gravy
Now I’m puking on the carpet,
I COULDN’T HELP IT!
I’m drinking from the toilet
IT’S JUST A HABIT!
I swear that smell you smell is not from meeeee!
But I’m baa-aa-aad!
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!
[ Fan #3 scratches the backup singers neck]
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!
‘Cause I won’t go on the wee-wee pad!
Have you ever tasted your brown shoes?
I think you might be surpri-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-sed”
[ guitar solo, during which Fan #2 rubs the lead singer’s belly]
“Squeeze toy!”
[Backup singer squeezes the squeeze toy ]
“Well, don’t you know it’s shedding season
Or is that a dirty word?
And weren’t you the one who said, “Stay inside!”
I’ll bring you the tennis ball
BUT YOU DON’T THROW IT!
I run for the tennis ball
BUT YOU JUST FAKED IT!
Oh you’re just way too smart for meeeee!
But I’m baa-aa-aad!
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!
‘Cause I won’t make on your wee-wee pad!”
[A giant leg appears, which the lead singer, backup singer and rhythm
guitarist hump. End song ]
