An Insane Idiot And His Collection Of Descending-Size Deer Heads
Insane Idiot…..Harvey Kietel
Insane Idiot: Hi. Welcome to my Deer Heads. [ stands in front of large Deer Head ] This first Deer Head is a real beauty, as you can see. Big fella, ten pointer, I got him about three years ago.
[ stands next to smaller deer ]
This is a smaller one I shot the next year.
[ stands next to even smaller deer ]
This is a baby deer.
[ stands next to even smaller deer ]
And this one is the baby of that deer.
[ stands next to small pet deer ]
This is a little miniature deer that I got as a pet.. then I got tired of it and shot it.
[ stands next to freakishly small deer ]
Now, this is a little freak deer. A scientist friend of mine developed it – the neighbor’s cat got a hold of it and, luckily, left the head.
[ stands next to a mouse head with fake horns ]
This is a mouse. But I put some little deer horns on it, and I don’t know why. A friend of mine asked me, “Is it a deermouse?” [ laughs ] I said, “I don’t know, but it’d be funny if it was, though!”
[ stands next to a toy deer head ]
This is what we call a toy deer. I bought it at Toys ‘R’ Us, then cut its head off and stuck it up there.
[ stands next to an any mounted on the wall ]
This is a really big ant I found.
[ stands next to three little white dots mounted on the wall ]
And these are its eggs.
[ stands next to a microscope mounted on the wall ]
Now, this. I don’t know if you can get your camera in there or not. Go ahead and look on in there. [ view shows amoeba flaoting around ] In the upper left hand corner – you see that thing? That is a deer – or, at least, that’s my theory. And, if I could get my hands on one of those electron scalpels, or whatever you call them, I think I could cut its head off. [ holds up his empty Scotch glass ] Well, it looks like I knew a refill. [ crosses his row of Deer Heads to his wet bar ]
Announcer: This has been “An Insane Idiot And His Collection Of Descending-Size Deer Heads”.
