SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 02/13/93: French Class



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 18: Episode 13



92m: Alec Baldwin / Paul McCartney

French Class

French Teacher…..Alec Baldwin
Robert…..Rob Schneider
Melanie…..Melanie Hutsell
Curtis…..Tim Meadows
Chris…..Chris Farley
Brian…..Adam Sandler
Frenchman…..Phil Hartman

[ open on interior, French class filled with bored as students as Teacher ecstatically emphasizes the language ]

French Teacher: Bonjour, classe!

Class: Bonjour..

French Teacher: Bonjour Monsieur Norbek!

Class: [ sullenly ] Bonjour Monsieur Norbek..

French Teacher: Mais oui. Je m’appelle.. Monsieur Norbek! Et vous? Comme es vous appelez-vous?

Robert: Uh..

French Teacher: Repondez: Je m’appelle.. Robert!

Robert: Je m’appelle Robert.

French Teacher: Non. Je m’appelle.. Robert!

Robert: Je m’appelle Robert.

French Teacher: Je m’appelle.. Robert!

Robert: Je m’appelle Robert.

French Teacher: Je m’appelle.. Robert!

Robert: [ mimicking inflection ] Je m’appelle.. Robert!

French Teacher: Oui! [ claps ] El quel jour? Est-il aujourd’hui?

Melanie: [ stands ] I gotta go to the bathroom.

French Teacher: En francais.

Melanie: Uh.. [ thinking ] Je.. gotta go.. uh..

French Teacher: Je voudrais..

Melanie: Je voudrais..

French Teacher: Je voudrais.. aller.. a la salle de bain!

Melanie: [ sullenly ] Aller a la salle de bain..

French Teacher: Alle a la salle de bain!

Melanie: [ mimicking ] Alle a la salle de bain!

French Teacher: Bien! [ claps, as Melanie exits room ] Et quelle huere est-il? Monsieur Curtis? Et quelle huere?

Curtis: Like.. eight..?

French Teacher: En francais!

Curtis: Il est.. huit.. hu-air-es?

French Teacher: Il est huit huere!

Curtis: Il est huit huere!

French Teacher: Il est huit huere!

Curtis: Il est huit huere!

French Teacher: Il est huit huere!

Curtis: [ squeaky ] Il est huit huere!

French Teacher: Bien! En francais: Il est huit huere!

Chris: [ stands ] I gotta make a phone call..

French Teacher: Ah! Qu’est-ce que c’est?

Chris: [ struggling ] I.. uh..

French Teacher: En francais!

Chris: Je.. je.. je..

French Teacher: Je voudrais..

Chris: Je voudrais..

French Teacher: Je voudrais.. telephoner.. beaucoup de filles!

Chris: Je voudrais.. telephoner..

French Teacher: Je voudrais.. telephoner.. beaucoup de filles!

Chris: Je boublais.. enelephoner.. bloop-de-bloop!

French Teacher: Bien! [ claps ] [ Chris exits room, as Brian tries to sneak in ]

French Teacher: Et ou est la bibliotheque? Monsiur Brian!

Brian: Oh, man, I’m sorry.. I swear, I was at the nurse! I had to sign up for-

French Teacher: Ah! En francais! Je suis alle voir l’infirmiere parce que j’ai pense faire une demande!

Brian: [ rattles off gibberish with a French accent ] Boo-la-la!

French Teacher: Bien! Bien! [ claps ] Classe, repetez, s’il vous plait!

Class: [ rattles off gibberish with a French accent ] Boo-la-la!

[ dissolve to scenes of Paris over SUPER: “Paris, Several Months Later” ] [ dissolve to French Teacher on vacation, asking for directions from a group of hoodlum locals ]

French Teacher: Pardonnez-moi? Ou est le Musee D’orsay?

Frenchman: Le Musee est dans la rue de St-Honore pres de louvre.

French Teacher: [ correcting inflection ] Ah ah ah ah! Le Musee.. est dans la rue de St-Honore.. pres de louvre!

[ Frenchman gives the nod to his buddy, as the four of them pound French Teacher to a bloody pulp ] [ SUPER: “Fin” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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