Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 18: Episode 13
92m: Alec Baldwin / Paul McCartney
French Class
French Teacher…..Alec Baldwin
Robert…..Rob Schneider
Melanie…..Melanie Hutsell
Curtis…..Tim Meadows
Chris…..Chris Farley
Brian…..Adam Sandler
Frenchman…..Phil Hartman
[ open on interior, French class filled with bored as students as Teacher ecstatically emphasizes the language ]
French Teacher: Bonjour, classe!
Class: Bonjour..
French Teacher: Bonjour Monsieur Norbek!
Class: [ sullenly ] Bonjour Monsieur Norbek..
French Teacher: Mais oui. Je m’appelle.. Monsieur Norbek! Et vous? Comme es vous appelez-vous?
Robert: Uh..
French Teacher: Repondez: Je m’appelle.. Robert!
Robert: Je m’appelle Robert.
French Teacher: Non. Je m’appelle.. Robert!
Robert: Je m’appelle Robert.
French Teacher: Je m’appelle.. Robert!
Robert: Je m’appelle Robert.
French Teacher: Je m’appelle.. Robert!
Robert: [ mimicking inflection ] Je m’appelle.. Robert!
French Teacher: Oui! [ claps ] El quel jour? Est-il aujourd’hui?
Melanie: [ stands ] I gotta go to the bathroom.
French Teacher: En francais.
Melanie: Uh.. [ thinking ] Je.. gotta go.. uh..
French Teacher: Je voudrais..
Melanie: Je voudrais..
French Teacher: Je voudrais.. aller.. a la salle de bain!
Melanie: [ sullenly ] Aller a la salle de bain..
French Teacher: Alle a la salle de bain!
Melanie: [ mimicking ] Alle a la salle de bain!
French Teacher: Bien! [ claps, as Melanie exits room ] Et quelle huere est-il? Monsieur Curtis? Et quelle huere?
Curtis: Like.. eight..?
French Teacher: En francais!
Curtis: Il est.. huit.. hu-air-es?
French Teacher: Il est huit huere!
Curtis: Il est huit huere!
French Teacher: Il est huit huere!
Curtis: Il est huit huere!
French Teacher: Il est huit huere!
Curtis: [ squeaky ] Il est huit huere!
French Teacher: Bien! En francais: Il est huit huere!
Chris: [ stands ] I gotta make a phone call..
French Teacher: Ah! Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Chris: [ struggling ] I.. uh..
French Teacher: En francais!
Chris: Je.. je.. je..
French Teacher: Je voudrais..
Chris: Je voudrais..
French Teacher: Je voudrais.. telephoner.. beaucoup de filles!
Chris: Je voudrais.. telephoner..
French Teacher: Je voudrais.. telephoner.. beaucoup de filles!
Chris: Je boublais.. enelephoner.. bloop-de-bloop!
French Teacher: Bien! [ claps ]
[ Chris exits room, as Brian tries to sneak in ]
French Teacher: Et ou est la bibliotheque? Monsiur Brian!
Brian: Oh, man, I’m sorry.. I swear, I was at the nurse! I had to sign up for-
French Teacher: Ah! En francais! Je suis alle voir l’infirmiere parce que j’ai pense faire une demande!
Brian: [ rattles off gibberish with a French accent ] Boo-la-la!
French Teacher: Bien! Bien! [ claps ] Classe, repetez, s’il vous plait!
Class: [ rattles off gibberish with a French accent ] Boo-la-la!
[ dissolve to scenes of Paris over SUPER: “Paris, Several Months Later” ]
[ dissolve to French Teacher on vacation, asking for directions from a group of hoodlum locals ]
French Teacher: Pardonnez-moi? Ou est le Musee D’orsay?
Frenchman: Le Musee est dans la rue de St-Honore pres de louvre.
French Teacher: [ correcting inflection ] Ah ah ah ah! Le Musee.. est dans la rue de St-Honore.. pres de louvre!
[ Frenchman gives the nod to his buddy, as the four of them pound French Teacher to a bloody pulp ]
[ SUPER: “Fin” ]
[ fade ]
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