Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 18: Episode 16
Russell Simmons’ Def Magic Show Jam
Rabbit Magician….Chris Rock
Saw Magician….Tim Meadows
Assistant….Ellen Cleghorne
Announcer: Yo’! Whassup?! Stay tuned after Russell Simmons’s Def Comedy Jam for Russell Simmons’s Def Magic Show Jam!
[A guy in an loud urban ghetto costume is at the Apollo Theater in Harlem performing his magic act to a large black audience]Rabbit Magician: Yeah, you muthafuckas don’t think I got a muthafuckin’ rabbit in this hat! Right?! I know you muthafucka’s don’t think I got a muthafuckin’ rabbit in this hat! Right?! You niggas want to see a muthafuckin’ rabbit? Cause as soon as I pull out this muthafuckin’ rabbit, ya’ll can kiss my muthafuckin’ ass! [black audience laugh hysterically, pump their fists up, jump from the seats] Now, here we go! Abraca–muthafuckin’–dabra! [pulls out a rabbit from the hat] See, I told ya’! I told ya’! I told y’all I had a muthafuckin’ rabbit! [black audience jump up and down laughing like crazy] That’s right!
Announcer: Moses Malone says: “That is some fucked up magic show!”
[A black magician with a saw on his hand and a red cape orders his assistant to get in the box he’ll be sawing her in half in.]Saw Magician: Get in the muthafuckin’ box bitch!
Assistant: You get in the muthafuckin’ box!
Saw Magician: Hey, don’t fuck with me bitch!
Assistant: All right. But if you cut me, I’m gonna fuck you up!
Saw Magician: Shit, I cut your fat ass in half and keep the half with the pussy cause the other half talks too muthafuckin’ much!
[Black audience roars with laughter, they jump, cackle, scream, pump their fists] [Saw Magician chases his assistant around the sawing box]Announcer: Russell Simmon’s Def Magic Show Jam! Coming up on muthafuckin’ HBO! Boy-y-y-y-y!!!!
[fade]Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel