Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 18: Episode 19
Linda Richman…..Mike Myers
Announcer: Welcome to Coffee Talk with your host Linda Richman.
Linda Richman: Welcome to Coffee Talk I’m your host Linda Richman. On this show we talk about coffee, New York, dawters, dawgs you know no big whoop just Coffee Talk. As you know Paul Baldwin is the usual host who developed shpilkes in his geneckteckessoink. He recovered, was doing fine schmack as can be when P.S Long story short the shpilkes came back. Gagen i Schgagen he’s back at square one. Who knew? Anyway he’s in Boca recovering nicely thanks god pooh pooh pooh. Okay now it’s Mother’s Day, and my dawter Robin did not show up. She’s getting married and this year she’s visiting his mother. So now I’m sitting here Elaine Viastahin alone like a dawg. Thanks alot and out with the garbage they take vows and you’re batting zero (sings). I had a dream. I dreamed it for you Robin. Now I’m getting a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic. The radical reconstruction of the south after the Civil War was neither radical nor a reconstruction. Discuss! There I feel better. Alright let’s go to the phones. Our topic today is Mother’s Day. Our number is 555-4444 give us a call we’ll talk no big whoop. Hello?
Caller #1: Hi Linda. Happy Mother’s Day. It’s me Stacey.
Linda Richman: Stacey. She’s Robin’s best friend since she was three years old who happens to live in a gorgeous rent controlled doorman building at the park. I would die for that apartment.
Caller #1: Listen, I feel bad about Robin not being there but you should just be glad she’s not eloping.
Linda Richman: Oye. Eloping! A shanda na happa. Nebechh!
Caller #1: Exactly.
Linda Richman: You know, Stacey had a beautiful wedding. She had both a rabbi and a priest. She’s half espicopalian, and half Jewish. I call her a pissyjew. She has legs to die for. They’re like buttah. The left one is salted, and the right one is courtesy of Land O Lakes.
Caller #1: Thanks Linda I got to go.
Linda Richman: Love ya ladel lunch. Don’t go changing just to please me. Okay our number is 555-4444. Hello you’re on Coffee Talk.
Caller #2: Hi Linda. I love this Mother’s Day. I just wanted to say I’m a big Woody Allen fan and it must be tough for Sun Yi.
Linda Richman: First her natural mother gives her walking papers and Mia. Doesn’t she look so skinny? She looks oskyeada. Eat, what some rubalook will kill you? I don’t know I’m verklempt again.
Caller #2: Me too.
Linda Richman: Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you yes another topic. Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s new deal was neither new nor a deal. Discuss! There, I’m better. Okay let’s take one last call. Hello?
Caller #3: Hello Linda. This is your mother. I’m alone Elaine Viastahein alone like a dawg. You think on Mother’s Day you would come visit me.
Linda Richman: If I wanted to travel, I wouldn’t take a guilt trip. Mommala, did you get my card?
Caller #3: Yes it’s beautiful. Did you get my card?
Linda Richman: Yes I did. It’s abeautiful thing. It says Live from New York it’s Saturday Night!
Submitted by: Robert Wilczak