Charles Barkley’s Monologue


Charles Barkley’s Monologue

…..Charles Barkley

Charles Barkley: Thank you! Alright! Hosting “Saturday Night Live”! You know, I actually was not their first choice. They did want somebody from the NBA, but being Yom Kippur and all, I was the only one they could get. I’m one of the few non-Jewish players in the league. It’s been a fun week, working with the cast, watching Nirvana rehearse – even got to play a little basketball. You see, a while back I played basketball with Godzilla. Everyone here, and myself, thought it would be fun to have a rematch – you know, rent a gym, play a little one-on-one, but give the profits to charity.

[ dissolve to the basketball court, Charles bouncing the basketball ]

Charles Barkley V/O: We ran into a problem – at the last minute, Godzilla cancelled. We were incredibly lucky to find a worthy replacement – Barney.

[ Barney dances on the court ]

Charles Barkley: Hey, Barney, thanks for doing this on such short notice.

Barney: That’s okay, Charles. That’s what caring and sharing are all about!

Charles Barkley V/O: It really didn’t matter to me who won – I just wanted to have a good time..

[ Charles makes a series of slam dunks around Barney ]

Charles Barkley: [ close-up, in Barney’s face ] Hey, Barney! What’s going on? What we doin’, babe? What’s going on? [ jumps for slam funk, knocking Barney to the floor ]

[ a series of rough basketball moves that leads to Barney’s costume falling apart ]

Charles Barkley: [ close-up, in Barney’s face ] What’s wrong, bro? Had enough? [ smacks basketball on Barney’s head, knocking one of his fake eyes out ]

Charles Barkley V/O: We sure had a lot of laughs that day. We played a good game, but, most importantly, I made a new friend.

[ Charles and a beat-up Barney exit the court ]

[ dissolve back to Charles at Home Base ]

Charles Barkley: We’ve got a great show, Nirvana’s here, so stick with us, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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