Charles Barkley’s Monologue
Charles Barkley: Thank you! Alright! Hosting “Saturday Night Live”! You know, I actually was not their first choice. They did want somebody from the NBA, but being Yom Kippur and all, I was the only one they could get. I’m one of the few non-Jewish players in the league. It’s been a fun week, working with the cast, watching Nirvana rehearse – even got to play a little basketball. You see, a while back I played basketball with Godzilla. Everyone here, and myself, thought it would be fun to have a rematch – you know, rent a gym, play a little one-on-one, but give the profits to charity.
[ dissolve to the basketball court, Charles bouncing the basketball ]
Charles Barkley V/O: We ran into a problem – at the last minute, Godzilla cancelled. We were incredibly lucky to find a worthy replacement – Barney.
[ Barney dances on the court ]
Charles Barkley: Hey, Barney, thanks for doing this on such short notice.
Barney: That’s okay, Charles. That’s what caring and sharing are all about!
Charles Barkley V/O: It really didn’t matter to me who won – I just wanted to have a good time..
[ Charles makes a series of slam dunks around Barney ]
Charles Barkley: [ close-up, in Barney’s face ] Hey, Barney! What’s going on? What we doin’, babe? What’s going on? [ jumps for slam funk, knocking Barney to the floor ]
[ a series of rough basketball moves that leads to Barney’s costume falling apart ]
Charles Barkley: [ close-up, in Barney’s face ] What’s wrong, bro? Had enough? [ smacks basketball on Barney’s head, knocking one of his fake eyes out ]
Charles Barkley V/O: We sure had a lot of laughs that day. We played a good game, but, most importantly, I made a new friend.
[ Charles and a beat-up Barney exit the court ]
[ dissolve back to Charles at Home Base ]
Charles Barkley: We’ve got a great show, Nirvana’s here, so stick with us, we’ll be right back!