NCI Long Distance

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NCI Long Distance

Consumer #1…..Kevin Nealon
NCI Spokesman…..David Spade
Consumer #2…..Melanie Hutsell
Consumer #3…..Rob Schneider
Consumer #4…..Ellen Cleghorne
Consumer #5…..Phil Hartman


Consumer #1: My Long Distance company gives me a discount when I call my favorite area code. What about my favorite zip code?

[ show logo: “NCI: The new long distance company” ]

NCI Spokesman: NCI will discount your favorite area code, zip code, or any other type of code. We’re the leading discounter of codes.

[ Flash: “Code Discounts” ]

Consumer #2: Sometimes, when I call people, they’re not there to answer the phone. That bothers me.

NCI Spokesman: With NCI, the person you’re calling will always be there to answer the phone. No matter when you call – we guarantee it.

[ Flash: “The NCI Guarantee” ]

Consumer #3: People don’t call me as often as I like.

NCI Spokesman: With NCI, you’ll get calls all the time – from people who like you and respect you.

[ Flash: “Respect” ]

Consumer #3: What about pretty girls?

NCI Spokesman: Yes!

[ Flash: “Pretty Girls” ]

Consumer #4: How come 123456789 isn’t a number? Why can’t it be my number?

NCI Spokesman: Consider it done!

[ Flash: “Extra Long Phone Numbers” ]

Consumer #2: Can that be my number, too?

NCI Spokesman: Sure!

[ Flash: “Whatever” ]

Little Girl: I want a pony!

NCI Spokesman: Take a look in your backyard.

[ Flash: “Ponies” ]

Consumer #5: I hate my boss. I want him dead!

NCI Spokesman: That we will not do.

[ Flash: “No Murder” ]

Consumer #5: I want a phone company that will murder my boss.

NCI Spokesman: Fine. If you switch to NCI now – the next time you make a long-distance call, we will murder your boss. And you’ll recive one hour of free calls to anywhere in the continental United States.

[ Flash: “Fine, Murder” ] [ show logo: “NCI: The new long distance company” ]

NCI Spokesman: NCI. We want to be your phone company.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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