Office Space


Office Space

[ open on Milton sitting at his desk in the storeroom, fuming ]

Milton: I.. I told Bill if they move my desk one more time, I’m quitting. I used to be over by the window, and they moved me three times already this year. If they do it one more time, I’m out of here. I used to have my own stapler, too, and then, when I moved back, they made me give back my stapler. And.. but Bill told me I’m supposed to have a stapler, so.. until I’m told different, I’m just gonna take the stapler. And, if they make me give it back, I’ll.. I’ll just.. I’ll set the building on fire. [ picks nose ]

[ Bill appears at the doorway, gripping his coffee cup tightly ]

Bill: Oh, hello, Milton, what’s happening? Um.. I’m gonna need you to go ahead and move your desk again. So, uh..

Milton: Well..

Bill: If you could go ahead and just get it as far back into that corner as possible, that’d be terrific..

Milton: But..

Bill: That way, we’ll have some more room for some of these boxes and things we need to put in here.

Milton: Well.. okay..

Bill: And, uh.. oh. Here’s that stapler I’ve been looking for. Here..

Milton: Um.. but..

Bill: I’ll just go ahead and get that from you. Thanks. [ takes Milton’s stapler ]

Milton: Well..

Bill: Okay, so, uh.. if you could go ahead and just get to that as soon as possbile, that’d be terrific.

Milton: Well..

Bill: Alright, thanks a bunch, Milton.

Milton: Okay..

Bill: Buh-bye. [ exits ]

Milton: Well.. but.. well, okay.. but I’m gonna set the building on fire.


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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