Office Space


Office Space


[ open on Milton sitting at his desk in the storeroom, fuming ]

Milton: I.. I told Bill if they move my desk one more time, I’m quitting. I used to be over by the window, and they moved me three times already this year. If they do it one more time, I’m out of here. I used to have my own stapler, too, and then, when I moved back, they made me give back my stapler. And.. but Bill told me I’m supposed to have a stapler, so.. until I’m told different, I’m just gonna take the stapler. And, if they make me give it back, I’ll.. I’ll just.. I’ll set the building on fire. [ picks nose ]

[ Bill appears at the doorway, gripping his coffee cup tightly ]

Bill: Oh, hello, Milton, what’s happening? Um.. I’m gonna need you to go ahead and move your desk again. So, uh..

Milton: Well..

Bill: If you could go ahead and just get it as far back into that corner as possible, that’d be terrific..

Milton: But..

Bill: That way, we’ll have some more room for some of these boxes and things we need to put in here.

Milton: Well.. okay..

Bill: And, uh.. oh. Here’s that stapler I’ve been looking for. Here..

Milton: Um.. but..

Bill: I’ll just go ahead and get that from you. Thanks. [ takes Milton’s stapler ]

Milton: Well..

Bill: Okay, so, uh.. if you could go ahead and just get to that as soon as possbile, that’d be terrific.

Milton: Well..

Bill: Alright, thanks a bunch, Milton.

Milton: Okay..

Bill: Buh-bye. [ exits ]

Milton: Well.. but.. well, okay.. but I’m gonna set the building on fire.

[ SUPER: “TO BE CONTINUED” ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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