Crystal Gravy

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Crystal Gravy

Man…..Kevin Nealon
Woman…..Julia Sweeney


[ open on far shot of Planet Earth, with SUPER: Let’s Be Clear ]

Announcer: Earth wasn’t created in seven days.

[ show waterfall, with SUPER: Clearly Natural Is Best ]

There are some things man will never improve on.

[ show man and woman jogging, with SUPER: SPEAK OUT ]

Don’t take what you’re given.

[ show canyon exploding, with SUPER: Clearly We Can ]

Why can’t we be cleaner?

[ show time-lapse footage of roses blooming, with SUPER: Na-tu-ral:(adj) of or relating to nature – Natural ]

We’re hungry for something different.

[ SUPER: DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET ] [ Music Intro: “Right Now”, Van Halen ] [ show clear gravy pouring, with SUPER: Why Can’t You See Anything? Let’s Make This Crystal Clear ] [ show bottle of Crystal Gravy ] [ Crystal Gravy is poured over meat and potatoes, with SUPER: “Clear + Gravy = Clear Gravy – I Don’t See Any Lumps ] [ show pot of gravy turn clear, with SUPER: Just Like Mom Used To Make – Clearly ] [ show Man wash his face with it, with SUPER: You Can See Through It ] [ show Woman dip chicken leg in her Crystal Gravy, with SUPER: Someone Just Got A Taste Of The Future ] [ SUPER: Lighter, Cleaner, More Transparent ] [ SUPER: Finally You Can See Your Meat ]

Crystal Gravy. You’ve never seen a gravy like this.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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