Karl’s Video Store
Fat Man…..Chris Farley
[ open on interior, Karl’s Video Store ]
Karl: Looking for a comedy?
Man: Um.. yeah.. maybe.
Karl: You know what’s good? “Meatballs 3”. Right above your left hand over there. No Bill Murray, but a great cast – good character development, lot of laughs, can’t go wrong – “Meatballs 3”.
Man: Ah, well, thanks, anyway.. but I don’t think that’s something I’d like.
Karl: Alright, alright! It’s your night. It’s your decision. Take a looksie. [ walks over to Jeff Goldblum in the store ]
Jeff Goldblum: Hey..
Karl: Looking for a drama?
Jeff Goldblum: Yeah.. I guess so.
Karl: You know what’s good? “Traces of Red”. Just got it in. Great cast – Lorraine Bracco, Jim Belushi.. good plot line.. good running time – 94 minutes, not too long, not too short – good film.
Jeff Goldblum: Well, I’m not sure about that one, but thanks very much.
Karl: Alright, alright! It’s your night. You’re the one watching it, not me, right? [ lauhs ] It’s your 94 minutes, right?
Jeff Goldblum: Right. Hey.. do you have, um.. “The Verdict”? I hear it’s very good.
Karl: Mmm.. “The Verdict”.. [ thinking ] who’s in that?
Jeff Goldblum: Paul Newman.
Karl: Yes. It’s right above your right hand, “The Verdict”, there you go. I don’t know if you’re gonna like it – it’s too preduicatable, you realzie halfway through he’s gonna win the case, no surprises.
Jeff Goldblum: Well, now I know how it ends.. so I guess I don’t have to rent it..
Karl: Alright, alright! I’m sorry. My fault! It’s your night. You’re the boss.
Jeff Goldblum: Yeah. Uh.. listen.. do you have, um.. do you have an adult section?
Karl: Sure! Pornos? Back corner! If you need any help, my name is Karl with a K. Give a yell.
Jeff Goldblum: [ comes forward to check out ]
Karl: [ notices Jeff staring at the celebrity photos onthe wall ] Okay.. oh, yeah.. yeah.. you see that? Lot of stars come in here, lot of stars all the time, in and out. I got all their credit card numbers – I don’t do anything with them. Okay.. “Children of a Lesser God”.. alright.. “Ladyhawke”.. Okay.. “On Golden Blonde”. [ suddenly recognizes Jeff ] Are.. you Jeff Goldblum? You’re Jeff Goldblum!
Jeff Goldblum: Yeah.
Karl: Oh, my God! This is a great! No way! You, sir, are great! I am a fan. This is so neat for me, oh my gosh!
Jeff Goldblum: [ worried about his porno rental ] Could you just throw that in the bag..?
Karl: You know, do you have a glossy or smething, that I could put on my wall?
Jeff Goldblum: Yeah.. fine.. but could you just go ahead and ring those right up..?
Karl: Oh, wow.. You know, Bob Saget comes in here a lot – big porn freak. Yeah. He likes the girl-girl stuff. Nice guy. I got his home phone number – I’m not gonna do anything with it.
Mother: [ enters, drops videotapes on the counter ] Hey, listen, um.. you recommended these, and these are horrible! You’re not gonna charge me for them, are.. [ notices Jeff Goldblum, gets excited ] Oh! You’re Jeff Goldblum?! I cxan’t believe you’re here!
Karl: I can, I can.. Lot of stars come in here all the time. Shirley Hemphill was in here two days ago – rented “Car Wash”, loved it. Nice lady. I’ve got her address – I’m not gonna do anything with it.
Mother: [ looks through Jeff’s rentals ] So, what have you got here? Ooh, “Ladyhawke”, this is really good..
Karl: Oh, yeah, that’s not all..
Mother: [ holds up the porno, distraught ] Ohhhh.. this is disgusting!
Daughter: [ pointing ] Mom, is he a pervert?
Mother: Yes, he is. [ exits ]
Karl: Hey, listen, ignore her – she rented “Troop Beverly Hills” for three weeks. [ spins finger around his head ] Don’t listen to anything she says.
Jeff Goldblum: Well..
Karl: You were in.. “Into The Night”.
Karl: My 14th favorite movie.. 1985.. good set design, good costumes, good running time.. I am a fan. [ bows ]
Jeff Goldblum: Uh.. thank you very much.
Karl: Tell me something?
Jeff Goldblum: Yeah?
Karl: Between you, me, and the wall – did you and Michelle Pfeiffer, uh.. have a little off-screen.. [ whistles and winks ]
Jeff Goldblum: Hey! I think that’s a personal question.
Karl: Alright, alright! None of my business. That’s your call. Hey, can I interest you in a rewind machine while you’re here? On sale, $19.95, Gabe Kaplan got two. Nice guy, rents “Faces of Death”, kind of weird.
Jeff Goldblum: Oh, really? No, well.. you know.. when the tape finishes, I can just push the rewind button on my VCR..
Karl: Alright, alright! That’s your call. It’s your night. You’re the boss. George Carlin doesn’t rewind, but, God love him, he’s a busy man, I don’t charge him.
Jeff Goldblum: Oh.. well, that’s so nice of you.
Karl: Okay, well..
Fat Man: [ enters ] Excuse me..?
Karl: Yeah, uh, back corner.
Jeff Goldblum: Thanks! [ retreats to back corner ]
Karl: If you could just bring that glossy in here, a lot of stars come in here, I like to show off.
Jeff Goldblum: Will do.
Karl: Okay. Nice to meet you.
Jeff Goldblum: Nice to meet you. Thank you. [ heads for door ]
Steven Tyler: [ enters ] Excuse me? You work here?
Jeff Goldblum: Uh.. back corner.
[ Steven retreats to the back corner, as Jeff exits the store ]
[ fade out ]