Christopher Walken’s Celebrity Psychic Friends Network


Christopher Walken’s Celebrity Psychic Friends Network

Christopher Walken…..Jay Mohr
Todd Bridges…..Tim Meadows
Crispin Glover…..David Spade

Announcer: It’s time for “Christopher Walken’s Celebrity Psychic Friends Network”.

Christopher Walken: Hello. I’m Christopher Walken. And welcome.. to Christopher Walken’s Psychic Friends Network. If you would like to be.. my psychic friend.. call this number now. I can tell you about.. money.. success.. love.. and romance.. or.. just hang out with you. All it takes is a phone.. and an open mind. No one will know. No one. I can tell you things about yourself. Things you don’t know. [ phone doesn’t ring ] Why aren’t you calling? You could be.. in grave danger.. and I can help you.. as your psychic friend. While we’re waiting.. for your call.. I’d like to introduce my first guest. It’s someone you already know. He was the star of the television series “Diff’rent Strokes”.. now, he’s my psychic friend. It’s Todd Bridges.

Todd Bridges: Hi, Christopher, it’s great to be here!

Christopher Walken: I know! Todd, tell us.. how you became.. a psychic friend.

Todd Bridges: Well, Christopher, I had just killed someone, and I was high on crack. And then, I called the Psychic Friends Network, and you let me know I was in grave danger.

Christopher Walken: Oh.. that’s wonderful, Todd.. we’re very, very proud of you. If you’d like to talk with Todd.. and be his psychic friend.. call now. Todd could come to your house.. and advise you.. but he can’t.. unless you call. [ phones don’t ring ] Why aren’t you calling Todd? Maybe you’re not at home. Call anyway. By the time you get home.. he could be there.. waiting for you. My next geust, you know. He was in the movie.. “Back To The Future”. It’s Crispin Glover.

Crispin Glover: Hey, you.. it’s great to be here!

Christopher Walken: Crispin.. how did you become.. a psychic friend?

Crispin Glover: Well, Christopher.. I’m not really good at.. confrontations. So I called the Psychic Network, and you told me I was in great danger.

Christopher Walken: That’s nice, Crispin. If you’d like to know.. about future success.. money.. romance.. or.. great danger.. call us. Do it. No one.. will know. [ phones don’t ring ] I don’t understand.. why you’re not calling.

Todd Bridges: Well, Chris, maybe the audience should know we’re not the only members of the Psychic Friends Network.

Christopher Walken: Todd’s right.. there are others who can come to your house.. like Rick James.. the guy who attacked Monica Seles.. and Sean Young. Todd, Crispin, Rick and Sean, and the guy who attacked Monica Seles.. want to spend time with you.. at your house.. but they can’t do that.. unless you tell us where you live.. so, please.. call now.

Todd Bridges: I’d like a key to you house.

Crispin Glover: I’d like to be your soulmate.. [ laughs ] ..and have a key to your house.

Christopher Walken: We know. Call. Look, you’re wasting time.. we could be in your driveway by now. Me and Todd and Crispin.. waiting for you.. being.. your friend. [ phones don’t ring ] Look.. no one is calling.. I’m upset.

Todd Bridges: I’ll still come to your house.

Christopher Walken: Todd will still come to your house.

Crispin Glover: [ starting to crack ] Hey, you.. get your damn hands off me, right now!

Todd Bridges: I’ll go to your house.

Christopher Walken: No, Todd.. don’t go.

Todd Bridges: No, I want to go.

Christopher Walken: Don’t go.. Don’t go..

[ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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