Mitch Leary…..John Malkovich
Wrong Number…..Kevin Nealon
Elderly Woman…..Julia Sweeney
Kid’s Mom…..Melanie Hutsell
Operator…..Sarah Silverman
Frank Corrigan…..Norm MacDonald

[ open on exterior, Mitch Leary’s apartment building, night ] [ dissolve to interior, Mitch’s apartment, as he picks up the phone and dials out ]


Mitch Leary: Frank? I have a question for you, Frank. How did you feel when President Kennedy was assassinated? It must have made you feel sad.

Wrong Number: Yeah.. I felt real bad.

Mitch Leary: I’m sure it hurt you.. to be that close, and not to be able to do anything.

Wrong Number: What do you mean?

Mitch Leary: Well.. maybe if you were a little quicker, maybe if you were a little more on your game, you could have saved his life.

Wrong Number: [ confused ] On my game? What are you talking about?

Mitch Leary: You know. On your game.

[ cut to the Frank Mitch is speaking to, clearly a wrong number ]

Wrong Number: What number are you calling?

Mitch Leary: Uh.. 5-5-5-7-2-3-4.

Wrong Number: [ laughs ] Oh! You dialed wrong! This is 7-2-3-7.

Mitch Leary: [ embarrassed ] Ohhh.. sorry!

Wrong Number: Aw, don’t worry, it’s alright. Things like this happen. It’s alright.

Mitch Leary: [ loses control ] I KNOW it’s ALRIGHT!! [ hangs up angrily, then redials ] Hello, Frank. I see you standing over the body of another dead president.

Elderly Woman: Hello-o-o-o!! Hello-o-o-o!!

Mitch Leary: May I speak to Frank?

Elderly Woman: Who-o-o??!

Mitch Leary: Frank!

Elderly Woman: Speak up, I can’t hear you!

Mitch Leary: Is Frank there?

[ cut to the elderly woman on the other line, another wrong number ]

Elderly Woman: I still can’t hear you! What number are you dialing?!

Mitch Leary: 5-5-5-7-2-3-4.

Elderly Woman: You got the wrong number!

Mitch Leary: What number is this?

Elderly Woman: Okay, bye-bye! [ hangs up ]

Mitch Leary: [ flustered, tries dialing the number again ] Hello, Frank. What do you do at night when the demons come?

Elderly Woman: Didn’t you just call me?!!

Mitch Leary: I’m sorry.. I thought I misdialed, but apparently I must have written the number down incorrectly. I’m sorry. [ hangs up, dials Directory Assistance ]

Operator: Directory Assistance. What city, please?

Mitch Leary: Washington, D.C., please. The number for Frank Corrigan.

Operator: Okay.. I have three Frank Corrigans. Do you know the street address?

Mitch Leary: Uh.. I.. I think it’s on M Street.

Operator: N-no.. but I have an F. Corrigan without an address.

Mitch Leary: Fine. Let’s try that one.

Operator: 5-5-5-4-0-2-0.

Mitch Leary: Thank you. [ hangs up, dials the number ] Hello?

Kid’s Mom: Hello!

Mitch Leary: May I speak to Frank?

Kid’s Mom: Alright. Frank? Telephone.

Kid: [ a small boy’s voice ] Hello?

Mitch Leary: Frank! Frank. How did you feel when Kennedy was killed?

[ cut to the small, innocent boy, fear on his face ]

Kid: You killed Kennedy?!! The V.J.?! From M-TV?!

Mitch Leary: No!

Kid’s Mom: I told you no phone calls after ten o’clock! Who is that?!

Kid: I-I don’t know.. he’s talking about Kennedy dying!

Kid’s Mom: Listen! Sir! I don’t know who you are.. but, frankly, I don’t know what a grown man is doing calling a nine year-old this late at night!

Mitch Leary: [ outraged ] I’m sorry!! [ she hangs up ] Oh, gee..! That’s a four! [ dials the number correctly this time ]

[ cut to scene from “In The Line Of Fire”, as Frank Corrigan answers his telephone ]

Frank Corrigan: Yeah!

Mitch Leary: Is this Frank?

Frank Corrigan: Yeah.

Mitch Leary: Frank Corrigan?

Frank Corrigan: Yeah.

Mitch Leary: The Secret Service agent?

Frank Corrigan: Yeah.

Mitch Leary: The one.. the one that was there when Kennedy was assassinated?

Frank Corrigan: Yeah. What do you want?

Mitch Leary: I have a question for you, Frank? How did you feel when President Kennedy was killed?

[ Corrigan’s call-waiting beeps in ]

Frank Corrigan: Uh.. can you hold on a second, I.. got a call on the other line.

Mitch Leary: [ annoyed, but stuck ] Sure.

Frank Corrigan: Look, uh.. I’ve gotta take this. You could call back, or give me your number.

Mitch Leary: I’ll call back. [ hangs up ] [ dissolve to exterior, Mitch’s building, as a shot rings out ]

Mitch Leary: [ dials the phone ] Hello. Is this Washington Memorial Hospital..? I’ve just shot myself in the foot.. could you send an ambulance..? I’m in 22 Elm..

Elderly Woman: Hello-o-o-o??! Hello-o-o?!

[ Mitch hangs up ] [ fade ]

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