Goodnights
Mitch Leary…..John Malkovich
Wrong Number…..Kevin Nealon
Elderly Woman…..Julia Sweeney
Kid’s Mom…..Melanie Hutsell
Operator…..Sarah Silverman
Frank Corrigan…..Norm MacDonald
[ open on exterior, Mitch Leary’s apartment building, night ]
[ dissolve to interior, Mitch’s apartment, as he picks up the phone and dials out ]
Hello?
Mitch Leary: Frank? I have a question for you, Frank. How did you feel when President Kennedy was assassinated? It must have made you feel sad.
Wrong Number: Yeah.. I felt real bad.
Mitch Leary: I’m sure it hurt you.. to be that close, and not to be able to do anything.
Wrong Number: What do you mean?
Mitch Leary: Well.. maybe if you were a little quicker, maybe if you were a little more on your game, you could have saved his life.
Wrong Number: [ confused ] On my game? What are you talking about?
Mitch Leary: You know. On your game.
[ cut to the Frank Mitch is speaking to, clearly a wrong number ]Wrong Number: What number are you calling?
Mitch Leary: Uh.. 5-5-5-7-2-3-4.
Wrong Number: [ laughs ] Oh! You dialed wrong! This is 7-2-3-7.
Mitch Leary: [ embarrassed ] Ohhh.. sorry!
Wrong Number: Aw, don’t worry, it’s alright. Things like this happen. It’s alright.
Mitch Leary: [ loses control ] I KNOW it’s ALRIGHT!! [ hangs up angrily, then redials ] Hello, Frank. I see you standing over the body of another dead president.
Elderly Woman: Hello-o-o-o!! Hello-o-o-o!!
Mitch Leary: May I speak to Frank?
Elderly Woman: Who-o-o??!
Mitch Leary: Frank!
Elderly Woman: Speak up, I can’t hear you!
Mitch Leary: Is Frank there?
[ cut to the elderly woman on the other line, another wrong number ]Elderly Woman: I still can’t hear you! What number are you dialing?!
Mitch Leary: 5-5-5-7-2-3-4.
Elderly Woman: You got the wrong number!
Mitch Leary: What number is this?
Elderly Woman: Okay, bye-bye! [ hangs up ]
Mitch Leary: [ flustered, tries dialing the number again ] Hello, Frank. What do you do at night when the demons come?
Elderly Woman: Didn’t you just call me?!!
Mitch Leary: I’m sorry.. I thought I misdialed, but apparently I must have written the number down incorrectly. I’m sorry. [ hangs up, dials Directory Assistance ]
Operator: Directory Assistance. What city, please?
Mitch Leary: Washington, D.C., please. The number for Frank Corrigan.
Operator: Okay.. I have three Frank Corrigans. Do you know the street address?
Mitch Leary: Uh.. I.. I think it’s on M Street.
Operator: N-no.. but I have an F. Corrigan without an address.
Mitch Leary: Fine. Let’s try that one.
Operator: 5-5-5-4-0-2-0.
Mitch Leary: Thank you. [ hangs up, dials the number ] Hello?
Kid’s Mom: Hello!
Mitch Leary: May I speak to Frank?
Kid’s Mom: Alright. Frank? Telephone.
Kid: [ a small boy’s voice ] Hello?
Mitch Leary: Frank! Frank. How did you feel when Kennedy was killed?
[ cut to the small, innocent boy, fear on his face ]Kid: You killed Kennedy?!! The V.J.?! From M-TV?!
Mitch Leary: No!
Kid’s Mom: I told you no phone calls after ten o’clock! Who is that?!
Kid: I-I don’t know.. he’s talking about Kennedy dying!
Kid’s Mom: Listen! Sir! I don’t know who you are.. but, frankly, I don’t know what a grown man is doing calling a nine year-old this late at night!
Mitch Leary: [ outraged ] I’m sorry!! [ she hangs up ] Oh, gee..! That’s a four! [ dials the number correctly this time ]
[ cut to scene from “In The Line Of Fire”, as Frank Corrigan answers his telephone ]Frank Corrigan: Yeah!
Mitch Leary: Is this Frank?
Frank Corrigan: Yeah.
Mitch Leary: Frank Corrigan?
Frank Corrigan: Yeah.
Mitch Leary: The Secret Service agent?
Frank Corrigan: Yeah.
Mitch Leary: The one.. the one that was there when Kennedy was assassinated?
Frank Corrigan: Yeah. What do you want?
Mitch Leary: I have a question for you, Frank? How did you feel when President Kennedy was killed?
[ Corrigan’s call-waiting beeps in ]Frank Corrigan: Uh.. can you hold on a second, I.. got a call on the other line.
Mitch Leary: [ annoyed, but stuck ] Sure.
Frank Corrigan: Look, uh.. I’ve gotta take this. You could call back, or give me your number.
Mitch Leary: I’ll call back. [ hangs up ] [ dissolve to exterior, Mitch’s building, as a shot rings out ]
Mitch Leary: [ dials the phone ] Hello. Is this Washington Memorial Hospital..? I’ve just shot myself in the foot.. could you send an ambulance..? I’m in 22 Elm..
Elderly Woman: Hello-o-o-o??! Hello-o-o?!
[ Mitch hangs up ] [ fade ]