Christian Slater’s Monologue
…..Christian Slater
…..Ellen Cleghorne
…..David Spade
…..Lorne Michaels
…..Mike Myers
…..Chris Farley
Christian Slater: Thank you very much! Thank you! It’s great to be here hosting the Halloween show. Honestly, I just love Halloween, I think it’s the best holiday of the year. And, I know I’m a little bit old for this, but I’ve got a little uniform here.. [ puts on a pirate outfit ] Now, I don’t care. Let’s go out and trick-or-treat for a little while, okay? It’ll be great! I need my trick-or-treat bag. Let’s see what they have out here! [ runs down the hall ] Hey, Joe!
Joe Dicso: Yes, Christian?
Christian Slater: A little trick-or-treat?
Joe Dicso: I don’t really have anything, Christian.
Christian Slater: Come on, man, it’s Halloween. Trick-or-treat!
Joe Dicso: Uh.. how about some Tic-Tacs?
Christian Slater: [ excited ] Ah, that’s cool! Perfect!
Joe Dicso: A breath freshener? [ drops them in Christian’s pumpkin ]
Christian Slater: [ moving on ] Let’s see, who can I scare in these lovely hallowed halls? [ spots someone ] Hey! Boo! [ continues on, until he runs into Ellen Cleghorne being made up as Queen Shenequa ] Alrighty! Hey, come on! Trick-or-treat!
Ellen Cleghorne: Christian, please..
Christian Slater: Come on, trick-or-treat, I’m a pirate! Alright? give me something, or I’ll make you walk the plank!
Ellen Cleghorne: Here.. here.. take this. [ drops rubber nose in pumpkin ]
Christian Slater: Oh? It’s a rubber nose. There you go, thank you very much! [ continues down the hall, where he runs into David Spade and Tim Meadows ] Boo! Hey, how are you!
Alright, Christian, what’s up?
Christian Slater: Trick-or-treat!
David Spade: [ confused ] What?
Christian Slater: Trick-or-treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat! Here you go!
David Spade: I don’t think so.
Christian Slater: Come on, man! It’s my show! Trick-or-treat!
David Spade: [ sighs ] Well, uh.. you want some of this Coneheads merchandizing we have over here?
Christian Slater: Aw, cool, man! Alright, I love it! Action figures, too? That’s the coolest! Thanks! Thi is fantasic! [ moves on ]
[ cut to Lorne Michaels hitting on Linda Richman ]
Lorne Michaels: You’re very, very attractive, and –
Mike Myers; Lorne? It’s me.. Mike Myers.
Christian Slater: [ runs in ] Hey Lorne, trick-or-treat!
Lorne Michaels: Enough! Enough, okay? This is childish and unprofessional. Okay? We’ve got a show to do, it’s not the way we work here, okay?
[ Chris Farley enters wearing a huge pumpkin costume and carrying multiple bags of candy ]
Chris Farley: Hey, Lorne!! Trck-or-treat!!
Christian Slater: Oh, my God! Wow, Chris, where’d you get all this candy?
Chris Farley: The audience. Christian! They’re loaded with candy!
Christian Slater: Really?! Wow!
Chris Farley: Yeah, let’s go!
Christian Slater: Okay! Excellent! [ runs onstage with Chris ] We’ve got a great show! Smashing Pumpkins is here, so stick around, we’ll be right back!
