SNL Transcripts: Rosie O’Donnell: 11/13/93: Rosie O’Donnell’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 19: Episode 6

93f: Rosie O’Donnell / James Taylor

Rosie O’Donnell’s Monologue

…..Rosie O’Donnell
Female Audiene Member…..Sarah Silverman
Male Audience Member #1…..Fred Wolf
Male Audience Member #2…..Norm MacDonald
Male Audience Member #3…..Tom Davis
Male Audience Member #4…..Dave Attell

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Rosie O’Donnell!

Rosie O’Donnell: Thank you very much, thanks a lot! Thank you! Welcome to the show! What a thrill for me to be here, hosting “Saturday Night Live”! Really! It’s, uh.. such a joy.. especially here in New York City, and I don’t know if you know, but I’m From New York! [ audience breaks into applause ] In fac, I just moved back here from Los Angeles, last week, so uh.. I’ve been out there, about eight years. I’ve been lucky, you know? I had a ltitle moderate success in the “film business”. A couple movies, I don’t know if you saw ’em.. the first film I did was called “A League Of Their Own” with, uh.. [ audience breaks into thunderous obligatory applause ] Ohh! Aw, that’s so nice of you! That’s great! Yeah, it did well.. I think it made, like, $200 million or something – it was nuts! You know? It’s crazy. And then I had another film – “Sleepless In Seattle”. [ audience again breaks into thunderous obligatory applause ] Oh, you saw- you saw that one! Yeah.. it was, uh.. also made, like, $200 million – it’s crazy!! The money.. they make with movies now.. I just wrapped “The Flintstones”, too, which I’m gonna be, uh.. [ audience again erupts into applause ] Oh, you’re excited aout?! That’s so nice! I mean, who the heck knows – maybe $300 million! You know, you can’t predict!

But, the thing is – big money, big success.. you gotta have a change That’s the thing- [ her cellphone rings ] Could you hold on a second? One minute! [ answers cellphone ] Hello. Oh, hey Mo. Yeah, hold on! [ covers mouthpiece ] It’s Madonna! She’s claling from Istanbul – she’s touring. She gets so nervous. [ returns to phone call ] Hello? Yeah, hi! No, no.. it’s not a bit, it’s fine! Well.. I told you, I’d open ewith “Holiday”.. go into “Like A Virgin”.. right. And then, do the dance mix of “Erotica”. Okay. Yea,h great! Yeah. I-I gotta go.. Yeah, I love you, too! Okay. I sure will. Alright. [ hanhgs up ] She said to say hello to all you people! She’s crazy like that.

But, lately, I’ve been so busy – as I said – doing films, that I don’t get a hcance to do this. You know, with the people, the real people. So.. I thought, heck, I’d just take the time from my monologue and answer soem questions.. that you might have about my success and my career, my life.. whatever. [ sees a woman standing in the audience ] Yes?

Female Audience Member: I think you’re great – I love you!

Rosie O’Donnell: Oh! That’s so nice! Thank you so much!

Female Audience Member: Are you gonna be doing any solo albums, now that you’ve left Wilson Phillips?

Rosie O’Donnell: I, uh.. I wasn’t in Wilson Phillips. That was.. that’s Carnie Wilson, I believe, that you’re thinking about. Yeah, thanks! [ sees a man stand in the audience ] Oh, here’s a question, right here. Yes?

Male Audience Member #1: Yeah. “Roseanne”‘s a great show – do you like working with John Goodman every week?

Rosie O’Donnell: That’s Roseannae Arnold. I’m Rosie O’Donnell. [ acknowledges another male audience member ] Yes.. sir. What about you?

Male Audience Member #2: Yeahhh, uh.. “Designing Women”? It, uh.. it got really bad when you left!

Rosie O’Donnell: That’s Delta Burke.

Male Audience Member #3: Uh..

Rosie O’Donnell: [ acknowledges yet another male audience member ] Yeah?

Male Audience Member #3: Yeah. do you miss those girls from “Facts of Life”?

Rosie O’Donnell: That’s, um.. Mindy Cohn, actually, I think you’re thinking of. She played Natalie.

Male Audience Member #3: Oh. Well, uh.. you were great in “Misery”.

Rosie O’Donnell: That’s another actress, sir. [ acknowledges another male audience member ] Yeah?

Male Audience Member #4: You’re married to Richard Gere, right?

Rosie O’Donnell: [ laughing ] No, that’s Cindy Crawford! But people get us confused all the time! Yeah, no more questions – we don’t really have time for questions tonight, because uh.. we have a great show – and this guy thinks I look like Cindy Crawford! So.. James Taylor is here, he’s our musical guest. And we’ll be right back after this!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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