Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 19: Episode 7
Nicole Kidman’s Monologue
Audience Member 1…..Sarah Silverman
Audience Member 2…..Norm MacDonald
Audience Member 3…..Fred Wolf
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, Nicole Kidman![ Kidman walks onto stage ]
Nicole Kidman: Thank you very much! Thanks a lot! Well, it’s a thrill to be here on Saturday Night Live. And, umm.. First thing’s first, I just wanna say: “Yes. I am married to Tom Cruise.” (audience cheers) He is my husband. But this is my show tonight, and.. uhh.. We’re gonna have a lot of fun. And (notices an audience member) Oh! Yea, you, the audience member who always has a question.
Audience Member 1: I thought that “My Life” was a great movie!
Nicole Kidman: Oh. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Audience Member 1: Yea. Is Tom Cruise here tonight?
Nicole Kidman: Uhh.. No. Tom’s not coming. He’s making a film at the moment and- (notices audience member) Oh. Over here.
Audience Member 2: Yea. Yea. Hi. Hi. Is it true that Tom Cruise is gonna be here tonight?
Nicole Kidman: Okay. Like I said, umm.. Tom won’t be here tonight, but I’m here and it’s gonna be great! So..uh.. (laughs) (notices another audience member) Yea.
Audience Member 3: Yeeaa.. Are you really married to uhh..(long pause) to uhh..Tom Cruise?
Nicole Kidman: (nods) Yup. I am.
Audience Member 3: Where the hell is he?
Nicole Kidman: Okay Last Question uhh.. Oh! Chris! Yea.
Chris Farley : (wearing Top Gun jacket) Hi Nicole.
Nicole Kidman: Hi.
Chris Farley: Hey. When..uhh.. when Tom Cruise gets here. I was wondering if..if..uhh.. if he could sign my “Top Gun” jacket?
Nicole Kidman: No. Umm, Chris. Tom isn’t coming tonight. Okay? So.. This is my show. And- (sees Lorne on the side) Lorne.. Yea..
Lorne Michaels: Nicole, Do you know when Tom is getting here?
Nicole Kidman: Okay. Okay. Look Let me see what I can do. Okay? (walks off stage)[ Chris Farley approaches Lorne Michaels ]
Chris Farley: What’s going on? Where is she going? What’s happening, Lorne?
Lorne: Chris, I don’t know.[ Couch is center stage. Music starts to play. Nicole slides on stage in long t-shirt and socks, holding candle holder. Begins lip synching and dancing to “Old Time Rock and Roll”. Music stops. ]
Nicole Kidman: We got a great show. We’ve got Stone Temple Pilots. So stick around. We’ll be right back.
Submitted by: Julie Santini