Herlihy Boy House-Sitting Service
Mr. O’Malley…..Chris Farley
Herlihy Boy…..Adam Sandler
[ dissolve to disheveled-looking Herlihy Boy staring menacingly intothe canera ]
Announcer: If you leave home this holiday season, why not let the Herlihy Boy be your housesitter? Out of an estimated 50,000 professional housesitters in the world, the Herlihy Boy is by far the best.
Herlihy Boy: Hello. Let me water your plants. Please, while you’re gone? Let me water your plants. It would mean so much to me, if you would just let me water your plants. Come on, you’re not gonna be there! Somebody’s gotta water them! Why.. why can’t it be me? Please? Hey! Hey! Please? Lwt me water your plants.
Mr. O’Malley: Come on, let the boy water your plants! [ almost cries ]
Herlihy Boy: Hi, hello. Are you good? Good! Let me bring in your mail. While you’re gone. Come on, please? Let me bring in your mail? There’ll be so much mail in your mailbox while you’re away. Let me bring the mail in the house for you. Come on, I’m already gonna be watering your plants! Just say yes to letting me bring in your mail. Please? Don’t look away – look at me! I honestly and sincerely would like to bring in your mail.
Mr. O’Malley: He’s a good hard-working boy! Let him bring inyour mail!
Herlihy Boy: Hey, look who’s here! It’s nice to see you again, you look great! Let me sleep in your bed. Don’t shake your head “no”. Let me sleep in your bed. You’re not even gonna be there. Please let me sleep in your bed? Nothing weird’s gonna happen. I’ll sleep in the exact same position as you sleep. You can trust me. I’ll even wash the sheets before you come back, how’s that? Please?
Mr. O’Malley: Sweet Mother of God, what is the hold up?! Let the boy sleep in your damn bed! He said he’d wash your sheets!
Herlihy Boy: Please don’t make me wash the sheets.
Mr. O’Malley: He’s a clean boy! Wash your own damn sheets! For God’s sakes!
Herlihy Boy: Let me move in with you, please? When you come back home, don’t make me leave. Please, let me move in with you? I’ll push all my things in the corner. That’ll be my little area. Please? I won’t bother you. You won’t even have to look at me. Please, let me move in with you, please? I’d like an answer, and I’d like that answer to be “yes”. Please? I’ve already slept in your bed. If you didn’t want me to move in, why’d you let me sleep in your bed? Just let me move in with you, please?
Mr. O’Malley: Can we STOP this cruel game! And allow the boyto keep ONE shred of diginity! For God’s sake, I can’t STAND to see him in all this pain!! You VICIOUS BASTARDS!! Let him move in with you!! Is it so bad to see somebody happy?! So just let him MOVE IN!! For the LOVE OF GOD, let the boy move in with you!! Good Lord!!
Herlihy Boy: I’m not gonna beg you. My track record speaks foritself. I’m confident you’ll make the right decision.[ Mr. O’Malley reaches over to give the Herlihy Boy a hearty hug ]
Announer: The Herlihy Boy House-Sitting Service. Let’s face it,he’s coming over anyway.