SNL Transcripts: Sally Field: 12/11/93: Billable Hours


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 19: Episode 9

93i: Sally Field / Tony! Toni! Tone!

Billable Hours

(all voices by Mike Judge)

Milton: (on the phone) And then I filled out another time sheet for overtime and I never received a check. And then —

Receptionist: Excuse me, sir? I’m gonna transfer you to accounts payable, okay?

Milton: Um — w-w-well — n-n-no — well, but — I’m gonna — okay —

(Ray enters the room)

Ray: Hey Milton, can I borrow your Thomas Register for a minute?

Milton: W-well … I loaned it to Bill last week and he never brought it back. And … and then I needed it for the AIUDCP project and I had to go get it.

Ray: Where is it, down here? (He sees a book on the shelf with the name “Thomas Register”)

Milton: So … I would prefer not to loan it out.

Ray: Oh. Here it is. Thanks. (He takes it off the shelf and walks out the door with it)

Milton: W-well … okay, but … if you don’t bring it back, I’ll tell Bill it was stolen. A-and I could have you fired. W-well … I mean … I’m gonna put strychnine in the coffee. (picks nose)

(Bill Lumbergh and Ray are overheard from within the building, but not seen)

Bill: Oh, uh, Ray?

Ray: Yeah?

Bill: Are you using Milton for anything right now?

Ray: Uh, nope. He’s all yours.

Bill: Great. Thanks. Oh, and uh, do you think that (whispers something)

Ray: Uh huh. (they exchange whispers)

Bill: Uh huh. Yeah, yes, I know. Okay, thanks a bunch.

Ray: All right, see ya.

Bill: Buh-bye. (enters Milton’s office) Oh. Hello Milton. What’s happening? Um …

Milton: W-w-well, I was told that I could receive overtime on the AIUDCP project and …

Bill: (inhales through teeth) Ooooh, that’s gonna be kinda tight on the overtime …

Milton: B-but I was told that they —

Bill: (inhales through teeth) Yeaah, we’re really short on billable hours.

Milton: Well —

Bill: (looks at watch) In fact, I’m gonna need you to go ahead and take the rest of the day off.

Milton: Mm — but —

Bill: So ah, if you could just go ahead and clock out as soon as possible, that would be terrific. M’kay?

Milton: Well … okay, but …

Bill: Oh, and ah, if you could just kinda go over those AIUDCP files at home tonight, that would be great. M’kay?

Milton: Well —

Bill: Thanks a bunch, Milton. Buh-bye. (walks away)

Milton: Mm — but — well — okay, but — I could have you killed. (picks nose)

(Theme music resumes. Cut to sign: “TO BE CONTINUED”)

Submitted by: The G Man

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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