White Diamonds Perfume

White Diamonds Perfume

Von Rye…..Phil Hartman
Card Player…..Mike Myers
Elizabeth Taylor…..Sally Field

Announcer: Elizabeth Taylor.. for White Diamonds.

[ open on Von Rye challenging a Card Player at the table ]

Von Rye: ..And I raise you.

Card Player: I.. am afraid I’m a little short.

Von Rye: [ sinister laugh ]

[ Elizabeth Taylor enters the room ]

Elizabeth Taylor: Not so fast, von Rye.

Von Rye: [ stunned ] Elizabeth Taylor! It’s you!

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus ] It’s been a long time.

Von Rye: I can’t believe it. You haven’t changed in twenty years!

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus ] You flatter me!

Von Rye: You’re a vision! Those clear, violet eyes.. those cheekbones.. My God, but you’re lovely!

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus ] These.. have always brought me luck! [ holds up a diamond earring ]

Von Rye: It’s flawless.

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus ] Yes. Three carats.

Von Rye: No. I meant your skin. Are you some kind of sorceress? Have you discovered some new fountain of youth?!

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus, laughs ]

[ dissolve to product on table ]

Announcer: White Diamonds. The intriguing new fragrance from Elizabeth Taylor.

[ out of focus Elizabeth stands behind product ]

Elizabeth Taylor: There’s nothing in the word.. as timeless.. as.. [ breathy ] White Diamonds.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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