Sara Gilbert’s Monologue


Sara Gilbert’s Monologue

…..Sara Gilbert

Sara Gilbert: Thanks so much! That’s really nice of you, but listen, I don’t have a lot of time. Uh, I’m not really supposed to be here. As you may know, I left “Roseanne” this year to go to college.. and this week I’ve missed a whole bunch of classes – you know, to be here in New York for the show? I didn’t want to get in trouble, so I kinda lied. I told my professors I was sick with the flu. I think they bought it, but i’m worried one of them might tune in and see me here. So, if you guys could be kind of cool and not say anything, I’d appreciate it!

Okay, great! Uh.. oh, also, there’s something else – Roseanne and Tom don’t know that I’m at college. Uh.. you know, I told them I was leaving the show because I was sick with the flu. Don’t say anything to them, either, you know? Thanks, and you guys are great!

Oh.. my parents.. My parents don’t know anything about my going to college, or being on “Roseanne”, or anything! They think I’ve been up in my room studying for the last five years. If anyone asks about the show tonight, just tell ’em it was that Urkel kid that hosted.

Anyway, we got a great show – Counting Crows is here! And, remember, I’m very, very sick.. [ feigns cough ] So, stick around, we’ll be right back.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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