Philadelphia Action Figures

93l: Patrick Stewart / Salt-N-Pepa

Philadelphia Action Figures

[ open on slow zoom of “Philadelphia” movie poster ]

Announcer 1: “Philadelphia”. The critically-acclaimed story of one man’s fight against prejudice. Now, the battle for justice continues..

[ child’s hand holding an action figure bursts through the poster ]

Announcer 2: In your home! “Philadelphia” Action Figures!

[ close-up of Andrew Beckett action figure, SUPER: “Each sold separately” ]

Announcer 2: There’s gay attorney Andrew Beckett, with flame-thrower and launching net action!

[ close-up of boss action figure ]

Announcer 2: And Beckett’s evil law boss, with light-saber and ninja sword.

Kid 1: You’ve got AIDS! You’re fired!

Kid 2: No! you’re fired! Boom! [ launches net on boss ] [ close-up of Joe Miller action figure ]

Announcer 2: There’s defense attorney Joe Miller, with jetpack and laser cannon.

Kid 1: Soon, I’ll rule Philadelphia! And, then.. the world!

Kid 2: See you in court, sucka! [ launches laser cannon at boss ] [ show Miguel action figure ]

Kid 1: Oh, there’s Miguel – Andrew’s long-time companion.

Kid 2: He’s in the Philadelphia-mobile! [ makes screeching sound effect as he drags car away ]

Announcer: Miguel, long-time companion action figure. With full battle armor, and dino buddy.

[ kid makes growling sound ]

Kid 1: What’s happening to Miguel?

Kid 2: He’s trans-forming! [ transforms Miguel into a jet plane ] [ show courtroom playset ]

Announcer 2: Also available – the courtroom action playset, with working ejecter-seat.

Kid 2: No one discriminates again Andrew Beckett! Ka-pow! [ hits button, ejecting boss from the court seat ]

Announcer 2: The battle for Philadelphia rages on! “Philadelphia” action figures! Coming soon to your galaxy!

[ show video game playset and box ]

Announcer 2: And now, on your Sega Genesis, it’s “Philadelphia”!

[ show crude space rocket video game graphics ] [ jump-zoom on kid’s intense game face ]

Kid 1: “Phil-a-delph-i-a!

[ fade ]

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