Emotional Director


93p: Helen Hunt / Snoop Doggy Dogg

Emotional Director

Gino…..David Spade
Amy Tompkins…..Helen Hunt
Frank Prescott…..Michael McKean

[ open on wide shot of a movie set, as actress Amy Tompkins enters with Gino the stagehand ]

Gino: You sure I can’t get you any breakfast, Amy? Coffee, or anything?

Amy Tompkins: No, nothing. I think I’m just.. a little nervous about meeting Mr. Prescott.

Gino: [ pours himself a cup of coffee ] Oh. Frank? He’s a great guy – best director I’ve ever worked with.

Amy Tompkins: I just love his movies! when I was a little girl, they showed “Beloved Stranger” on TV… and it really changed my life.

Gino: Great movie; great.. film.

Amy Tompkins: It made me want to become an actress. All of his films have this.. wonderful understanding of women’s emotions!

Gino: Absolutely. He’s kind of a man’s man in a lot of ways, but, uh.. he’s great with actresses, and I think you’ll like him. [ looks off screen ] And, I think.. he’s coming right now.

[ Director Frank Prescott and his sheer presence enters the set ]

Frank Prescott: Hey, Gino!

Gino: Morning, Boss!

Frank Prescott: How ya’ doin’? Give me some sugar here! Ha ha! [ gives gino a bear hug ] Who’s your pretty friend?

Amy Tompkins: [ flattered ] Amy Tompkins, Mr. Prescott!

Frank Prescott: Ah, I know who ya’ are! I was just teasin’ ya’! You happen to be, in this ol’ hack’s opinion, one of the finest actresses workin’ today!

Amy Tompkins: Oh, Mr. Prescott!

Frank Prescott: Ah! Frank.

Amy Tompkins: Frank. Amy.

Frank Prescott: Amy. [ turns his head ] Gino!

Gino: Boss!

Frank Prescott: Let’s get Peter and Skip to look at the line-up, alright?

Gino: Fly it in!

Amy Tompkins: I just want you to know what an honor it is to work with you.

Frank Prescott: Listen, I’d just like to thank you for giving me this chance. I know you pulled some strings to get me on this picture, and.. I.. I sure do appreciate it. [ he ambles over to his director’s chair in front of his crew ] Mornin’, boys!

Crewmembers: Boss! How ya’ doin’? Etc.

Frank Prescott: Let’s make a movie! [ swills alcohol from a metal flask in his jacket, then turns back to Amy ] O-kay. Now, the son of a bitch hasn’t called you in threee weeks, so you’re gonna call him because you’re afraid you might be knocked up and you’re pissed off! And, action!

[ Frank saunters casually over to his director’s chair, as Amy stands on the lighted set feeling a little overwhelmed ]

Amy Tompkins: Um.. could I just have a minute?

Frank Prescott: We’re just walking through it for the camera, honey.

Amy Tompkins: I know, I know. I just, um.. [ clears her head ] Okay. So, uh, should I enter from the kitchen and then go to the phone?

Frank Prescott: Oh, I don’t care where you come from, sweetie – my shot starts at the phone. Alright? Annnnnndd.. action! [ leans into his answering machine ] [ cut to camera perspective – holds on phone, then rises up as Amy picks up the phone and dials ]

Amy Tompkins: [ frustrated, sighs ] “Damn answering machine! You bet I’ll leave a message at the beep!”

[ farting sound effect is heard off-camera; Frank’s surrounding crew breaks into laughter, as Frank turns to smile and laugh with them ]

Frank Prescott: One of you boys bring a tree frog with you to work with you this morning? [ continues to laugh, then gets serious ] Alright, alright.. let’s go, Peaches – from where you’re leavin’ the message! And, action!

Amy Tompkins: Uh, Frank? Could I start from the top, please? From the dialing?

Frank Prescott: Aw, geez.. [ to a stangehand ] Check that cable, will ya’? [ walks over to Amy ] Yeah, honey, uh.. the movie’s not about dialing, you see? It’s about your pretty puss. [ brushes her cheek ] Alright?

Amy Tompkins: Yeah.. yeah. I’d like.. I’d like to do it from the top, please! Please? It would.. help me get a handle on it!

Frank Prescott: [ looks at his crew ] Alright, the lady needs a handle on it. Well.. o-kaaaaay. [ makes another farting sound effect with his mouth as he returns to his chair ] From the top, then. And.. act-ion!

[ cut to camera perspective – holds on phone, then rises up as Amy picks up the phone and dials ]

Frank Prescott’s Voice: I got something with a handle on it for her!

[ Frank and his crew laugh off-camera, as Amy looks up confused ]

Amy Tompkins: What?!

Frank Prescott: I was talkin’ to my crew, missy! Tryin’ to find out if this shot’s gonna work or not. [ walks over to her again ] You know something? It’s 7:35 a.m. By this time, most professionals got a little something on film! Now, I know you’ve had a couple of hits in the past few years, but I’ve accidentally inhaled more film than you’ve ever had your face on!

Amy Tompkins: I’m not sayin’ —

Frank Prescott: Now, let’s just collect ourselves and take it again, shall we, little girl? [ returns to his director’s chair ] [ cut to camera perspective – holds on phone, then rises up as Amy picks up the phone and dials ]

Frank Prescott’s Voice: With a big handle on it!

Amy Tompkins: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I can’t do this!

Frank Prescott’s Voice: [ walks over to Amy ] Uh-oh, uh-oh! Check your calendar, boys, I think we got a little female lunar inadequacy here! [ chuckles with his crew ]

Amy Tompkins: [ fuming ] Mr. Prescott! You are without a doubt, the most obnoxious, vile and stupid man I’ve ever encountered on or off the sound stage! I went out on a limb for you, and now I feel like a fool! I can’t believe I —

Frank Prescott’s Voice: Roll ’em, Gino!

Gino: Rolling!

Frank Prescott’s Voice: [ takes his seat again ] Amy! Action!

[ cut to camera perspective – holds on phone, then rises up as Amy chargedly grabs the phone and dials ]

Amy Tompkins: Damn answering machine! You bet I’ll leave a message at the beep! Eddie? Are you there? We’ve gotta talk about something, Eddie! Something that could put two lives on hold for quite a while! And we’ve gotta talk about trust, Eddie! And responsibility! And.. just call me, Eddie! You owe me that much! [ slams the receiver down, breaks into a continuous sob ] I’ll be waiting..!

Gino’s Voice: Annnnnndd.. cut!

[ the entire crew applauds Amy’s performance ]

Amy Tompkins: Oh, my God! I’m shaking!

Gino: That’s great, that’s a print.

Amy Tompkins: Oh! I never knew what that scene was about before! [ rushes over to Frank ] Frank! Thank you! Bless you! [ Frank doesn’t respond because he’s out cold ] Is he alright?

Gino: Oh, yeah. I don’t think, uh, we’ll get much more out of him today, though. Hey, uh, you want me to all your driver?

Amy Tompkins: Uh.. sure. Is he always like this.

Gino: Yeah. That’s why he doesn’t get more work. He’s great with actresses, though.

Amy Tompkins: Yeah.. he really seems to understand. I’ll be in my trailer.

Gino: Right. That’s a wrap, everybody!

[ zoom away from the movie set, and fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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