The Washing Machine
Ada’s Daughter…..Tim Meadows
Announcer: Jane Campion. The woman who brought you “The Piano”. Winner of the 1993 Cannes Film Festival, now brings you.. “The Washing Machine”.
Ada V/O: The voice you hear is not my speaking voice.. but my mind voice. Ah have not spoken since I was six years old. Yet, I do not think myself silent. Because, you see.. I can speak.. through.. my washing machine.[ dissolve to the Baines’ residence ]
Stuart: Well, Baines.. I kept my end of the bahgain. You got my wife’s washing machine; now I want my 80 acres.
Baines: You’ll get your land, Stuart. But you must know.. I don’t know how to clean mah clothes. Bleach.. softener.. these things confuse me. Ah’ll be needin’ laundry lessons.
Stuart: My new wife can teach you.[ Ada and her daughter enter. Ada mutely addresses her daughter. ]
Stuart: What does your mother say, girl!
Ada’s Daughter: [ petrified ] My mother says you can’t give the machine away, it’s hers!
Stuart: [ furious ] You must sacrifice it for the good of the family, Eda!
Ada’s Daughter: [ as Ada pantomimes to her ] My mother says.. No! It’s not yours to give away, it’s hers! She’s really mad!
Stuart: The deal is done, Eda! And you will show Baines how to wash!
Ada’s Daughter: [ as Ada pantomimes ] My mother says.. No! And she says you should give me candy, and.. take me to Space Mountain, and buy me lots of Barbie dolls![ Ada smacks her daughter across the head ]
Ada’s Daughter: Uh.. maybe not![ image of Ada carressing her washing machine along the coast ]
Announcer: The passion. The purpose. The woman. The wash.
Baines: If you’d cooperate with me, Ada.. there’s a way you can have your washing machine.. In a sense.. you can earn it back. By doing my laundry. [ wraps longjohns aroun Ada ] That’s right! And for each load of my laundry that you do.. you’ll be that much closer to having your machine. and I wanna watch you do it. From now on, I wanna be a part of everything you clean![ images of Ada’s daughter doing cartwhheel along the beach, over critic quotes ]
Announcer: “Just like “The Piano”, but now the mute lady has a washing machine,” says Joel Seigel.
“I don’t know much about movies, but I’m told I’m supposed to like anything Jane Campion does.” Rex Reed.
“Small picture + artsy + Harvey Kietel = I love it!” Pia Lindstrom.
Gene Shalit says, “Wash, you fabulous mute. Wash!”
“I didn’t understand a minute of it, but I guess it’s great.” Jeffrey Lyons.
Michael Medved says, “Jeffrey Lyons told me it was great, so I love it!”[ dissolve to Ada sitting on top the washing machine during a furious spin cycle, as Baines watches intensely ]
Baines: Aw, do it, Eda! Do it!
Ada’s Daughter: [ dancing spritely through the room ] La la la la…
Announcer: “The Washing Machine”. Even in the wildnerness.. her clothes would be clean.[ fade ]